Misplaced Pages

Revision as of 16:18, 18 February 2012

Pesky's first thoughts

Clarifying civility stuff.

Here are a few meta-pointers I'd personally like to see included in a reworded civility policy.

First do no harm

The editor(s) you're communicating with have feelings, which can be hurt even if you didn't intend to do so. And if you did intend to do so, then slap your own wrists! Intending to cause someone hurt or harm is about as uncivil as it gets.

The unforgivables – intentional harm with malice aforethought!

• Deliberately "setting someone up" or trying to get them into trouble
• Provoking someone until even a saint would snap, and then reporting them for snapping (baiting, in other words)
• Making false accusations about someone.

These actions, once you're found out (and eventually you will be) are viewed extremely dimly by the whole community. And quite rightly so, too.

Plain misunderstandings are common

These are often at the root of squabbles that turn into heated arguments. Saying the same thing in the same way repeatedly doesn't work. Pointing someone to the same policy page over and over again doesn't work. If they didn't get all the nuances of what you said (or what the policy said) the first time around, shouting it at them won't work either. Re-word it as necessary, draw real-life-experience parallels if they help to illustrate and clarify your point. And double check whether what you've understood someone to be saying was what they actually meant, before making any assumptions about them. They may be using a slightly different version of English than the one you're used to, in which some words have slightly different inferences and meanings than the way you've always used them.

Try not to make assumptions, too! The person you're imagining as being a 17-year-old boy may actually be someone's granny, and vice versa. On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.

Do some research; seek insight

When you come across an editor you haven't "met" before, particularly if you're having trouble understanding each other, it's often very well worth while reading through their user page, looking at their userboxes (if they have them), and browsing through their talk page to get a better understanding of the person you're interacting with. It can make an enormous difference if you just take a little while to "get to know someone" a bit better. You may find you have other interests in common which will help your communications. Another thing worth doing is looking at their user talk page interactions on other people's pages, to see how other people get along with them, what works, what doesn't. It's hard to "know" someone instinctively online as we have so few cues (and some of us aren't brilliant at in in real life, either!) But we can take some time to learn the other person. Nothing's usually terribly urgent in Misplaced Pages, nothing's on fire, and a bit of time spent sussing out who someone is can save an awful lot of hassle and time wasted in bickering.

Appreciate both similarities and differences

Being "different" isn't the same as being "evil"!

• The WikiCommunity has a lot of shared aspects with the global community. All editors have feelings; all editors are human; all editors are fallible, and the vast majority of editors, the vast majority of the time, did what they genuinely felt was the best thing at the time they did it.
• BUT ... there are lots of differences between the WikiCommunity and the Real-Life community, too. Consider, for example, how many of the people you meet at work, in the pub, in the café, at school, or in any other Real-Life situation, would be the sort of person who will happily decide to spend hours of their time, unpaid, writing an encyclopedia, as opposed to going out for a meal, or a party, or some sporting activity, or anything else that most people in "Real Life" would prefer to do. We're a bit different in here. We have more than our fair share of people who are very bright but whose interpersonal and social skills are not quite so good. (Which may very well explain why they'd rather stay home and edit than go out and party.)
• Long-term Misplaced Pages editors are passionate people, and frequently with a more-than-average level of obsessiveness. They have to be, to stick with it. That's why they're here.

Get help early

Conflicts occur because passionate editors who care about Misplaced Pages see things differently. Recognize when you and another editor just aren't going to agree and get more members from the community involved. For example, WP:RFC, WP:DRN et. al. Never leave it so long that you're just sick of trying to cope any more; conflict is best nipped in the bud before people get hurt.

Friends and foes!

Don't "take sides" unless you're taking the side of the encyclopedia.

It's perfectly OK to have differences of opinion; that's one of the things which helps us to expand the encyclopedia and make it better. We can learn a lot from differences of opinion. Eventually, you're going to come across other editors who you just can't get along with. When that happens, stay away from them as much as you possibly can. You're also eventually going to get into situations where you have two WikiFriends who can't stand each other. That's OK. You don't need to be "on someone's side" or decide which of the two you're going to back up in any argument. In fact, taking sides is one sure way of finding a lot of people who you subsequently won't get along with, too. Sometimes your "enemy" can be right and your "friend" can be wrong. Judge on the situation, not on the people in it.

If your worst enemy puts sweetener in your coffee, it's not going to kill you! If your best friend accidentally puts strychnine in your coffee, you've got a problem! Watch your coffee, not who's just stirred it.

When you find yourself in the middle of a situation you're not sure how to handle, you can either back away from it, get help, or ask yourself how the wisest and fairest person you can think of (in fact or fiction) might deal with it. Whether it's Saint Benedict or Professor Dumbledore doesn't matter. Try to deal with it in the way they would.

Do's and Don'ts

Edit summaries

Remember you can't go back and change them!

Do

• Be clear about what you did, so that other editors can assess it quickly
• Use neutral language
• Be calm

Don't

• Make snide comments about what you've edited or what you're responding to
• Make personal remarks about editors
• Be aggressive

Examples:

• Cut rambling crap N
• Shortened for clarity Y
• We're writing an encyclopedia, not a novelN
• Reworded more encyclopedically Y
• Needs a source, idiot! N
• Removed until sourced Y
• Stay the fuck off my talk page in future N
• Please don't post on my talk again Y

It's OK to say sorry

There's no loss of face in apologising. We all make mistakes, we all say the odd hurtful thing, we all have bad days and bad moments. If you have a sneaky feeling you owe someone an apology, offer the apology. Apologising doesn't hurt you.

Remember, though, that you can't demand an apology from anyone else. It will only get their back up and make it either less likely to happen, or to be totally insincere if you do get an apology. Never be too proud to make the first move when it comes to saying sorry. That kind of "pride" is destructive.