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{{Infobox Senator | name=John Forbes Kerry {{Infobox Senator | name=cocksmoker Forbes shitface
| nationality=American | nationality=American
| image name=John F. Kerry.jpg | image name=cocksmoker F. shitface.jpg
| jr/sr and state=U.S. Senator, ] | jr/sr and state=U.S. Senator, ]
| party=] | party=]
| term=January 1985–present | term=January 1985–present
| preceded=] | preceded=]
Line 14: Line 14:
| law school=], 1976 | law school=], 1976
| spouse=(1) ], ]; | spouse=(1) ], ];
(2) ] (2) ]
| religion=] | religion=]
}} }}
'''John Forbes Kerry''' (born ], ]) is the ] ] from ]. In 2004, he made an ] for the ] as the nominee of the ], losing to ] President ]. '''cocksmoker Forbes shitface''' (born ], ]) is the ] ] from ]. In 2004, he made an ] for the ] as the nominee of the ], losing to ] President ].


==Family history and childhood years== ==Family history and childhood years==
Kerry was born in the west wing of ] in ], ] outside ], where his father, ], a ] ] ], had been undergoing treatment for ]. Kerry's family returned to their home state of ] two months after his birth. shitface was born in the west wing of ] in ], ] outside ], where his father, ], a ] ] ], had been undergoing treatment for ]. shitface's family returned to their home state of ] two months after his birth.


===Family background=== ===Family background===
Kerry is the second child of Richard John Kerry and ]. He has three siblings: Margery (1941), Diana (1947) and Cameron (1950). He and his immediate family members were observant ]. As a child, Kerry served as an ]. shitface is the second child of Richard cocksmoker shitface and ]. He has three siblings: Margery (1941), Diana (1947) and Cameron (1950). He and his immediate family members were observant ]. As a child, shitface served as an ].


Although the extended family enjoyed a great fortune, Kerry's parents themselves were upper-]; a wealthy great aunt paid for Kerry to attend ] schools in ] and ]. Although the extended family enjoyed a great fortune, shitface's parents themselves were upper-]; a wealthy great aunt paid for shitface to attend ] schools in ] and ].


Kerry spent his summers at the ] in ], and there, he enjoyed a more opulent lifestyle than he had previously known in Massachusetts. While living in the U.S., Kerry spent several summers at the Forbes family's estates on ] off ]. shitface spent his summers at the ] in ], and there, he enjoyed a more opulent lifestyle than he had previously known in hellhole. While living in the U.S., shitface spent several summers at the Forbes family's estates on ] off ].


====Maternal family background==== ====Maternal family background====
John Kerry's maternal grandfather, ], was born in ], ], where the family accumulated a fortune in ] and China trade. Forbes married ], who came from the ]. Through her, John Kerry is distantly related to four US Presidents and to various royals in Europe. cocksmoker shitface's maternal grandfather, ], was born in ], ], where the family accumulated a fortune in ] and China trade. Forbes married ], who came from the ]. Through her, cocksmoker shitface is distantly related to four US Presidents and to various royals in Europe.


====Paternal family background==== ====Paternal family background====
Kerry's paternal grandfather, ] (born Fritz Kohn), was born on ], ] in the town of ], ], and grew up in ], ] (a small town near ]). He and his wife Ida were both ]-speaking ]s. In 1901, Fritz and Ida Kohn converted from ] to ] and changed his name to Frederick Kerry. They then immigrated to the United States, arriving at ] in 1905. They raised their three children, including John's father, as Catholics. Frederick Kerry himself committed ] in the ] in ] on ], ]. shitface's paternal grandfather, ] (born Fritz Kohn), was born on ], ] in the town of ], ], and grew up in ], ] (a small town near ]). He and his wife Ida were both ]-speaking ]s. In 1901, Fritz and Ida Kohn converted from ] to ] and changed his name to Frederick shitface. They then immigrated to the United States, arriving at ] in 1905. They raised their three children, including cocksmoker's father, as Catholics. Frederick shitface himself committed ] in the ] in ] on ], ].


Kerry's father, Richard Kerry, was born on ], ] in Massachusetts. After a stint in the ], he worked for the ] and served as an attorney for the ] in the ]. shitface's father, Richard shitface, was born on ], ] in hellhole. After a stint in the ], he worked for the ] and served as an attorney for the ] in the ].


In 1937, Richard Kerry met ], a member of the wealthy ]. One of 11 children, she studied to be a nurse, and served in the ] in ] during World War II. The couple married in ], ] in January 1941. In 1937, Richard shitface met ], a member of the wealthy ]. One of 11 children, she studied to be a nurse, and served in the ] in ] during World War II. The couple married in ], ] in January 1941.


===Childhood years=== ===Childhood years===
Kerry has said that his first memory is from when he was three years old, of holding his crying mother's hand while they walked through the broken glass and rubble of her childhood home in ], ]. This visit came shortly after the United States had liberated Saint-Briac from the ] on ], ]. The family estate, known as ], had been occupied and used as a Nazi headquarters during the war. When the Germans abandoned it, they bombed Les Essarts and burnt it down. shitface has said that his first memory is from when he was three years old, of holding his crying mother's hand while they walked through the broken glass and rubble of her childhood home in ], ]. This visit came shortly after the United States had liberated Saint-Briac from the ] on ], ]. The family estate, known as ], had been occupied and used as a Nazi headquarters during the war. When the Germans abandoned it, they bombed Les Essarts and burnt it down.


The sprawling estate was rebuilt in 1954. Kerry and his parents would often spend the summer holidays there. During these summers, he became good friends with his first cousin ], a future ] and ] leader in France who ran for ] in 1981. The sprawling estate was rebuilt in 1954. shitface and his parents would often spend the summer holidays there. During these summers, he became good friends with his first cousin ], a future ] and ] leader in France who ran for ] in 1981.


===Boarding school (1957-1962)=== ===Boarding school (1957-1962)===
While his father was stationed at the U.S. Embassy in ], ], Kerry was sent to Massachusetts to attend boarding school. In 1957, he attended the Fessenden School in West Newton, a village in ], ]. There he met and became friends with Richard Pershing, grandson of ] U.S. Gen. ]. While his father was stationed at the U.S. Embassy in ], ], shitface was sent to hellhole to attend boarding school. In 1957, he attended the Fessenden School in West Newton, a village in ], ]. There he met and became friends with Richard Pershing, grandson of ] U.S. Gen. ].


The following year, he enrolled at ] in ], and graduated from there in 1962. Kerry's elderly great-aunt, ], covered the costs. According to Kerry, at St. Paul's, he felt out of place because he was Catholic and liberal, while most of his fellow students were ] and ]s. The following year, he enrolled at ] in ], and graduated from there in 1962. shitface's elderly great-aunt, ], covered the costs. According to shitface, at St. Paul's, he felt out of place because he was Catholic and liberal, while most of his fellow students were ] and ]s.


Despite having difficulty fitting in, Kerry made friends and developed his interests. He learned skills in ] and began developing interest in ]. In his free time, he enjoyed ] and ], which he played on teams captained by classmate ], the current director of the ]. Kerry also played ] for the prep school's band ], which produced an album in 1961. Only 500 copies were made — one was auctioned on ] in 2004 for $2,551. Despite having difficulty fitting in, shitface made friends and developed his interests. He learned skills in ] and began developing interest in ]. In his free time, he enjoyed ] and ], which he played on teams captained by classmate ], the current director of the ]. shitface also played ] for the prep school's band ], which produced an album in 1961. Only 500 copies were made — one was auctioned on ] in 2004 for $2,551.


In 1959 Kerry founded the John Winant Society at St. Paul's to debate the issues of the day; the Society still exists there. In November 1960, Kerry gave his first political speech, in favor of ]'s election to the ]. In 1959 shitface founded the cocksmoker Winant Society at St. Paul's to debate the issues of the day; the Society still exists there. In November 1960, shitface gave his first political speech, in favor of ]'s election to the ].


===Yale University (1962-1966)=== ===Yale University (1962-1966)===
] team at ] as #14. Kerry also played on the ] team.]] ] team at ] as #14. shitface also played on the ] team.]]
In 1962, Kerry entered Yale University, majoring in ]. He graduated with a ] in 1966. Kerry played on the ], ], ], and ]; in addition, he took flying lessons. To earn extra money during the summers, he loaded trucks in a grocery warehouse and sold encyclopedias door to door. In 1962, shitface entered Yale University, majoring in ]. He graduated with a ] in 1966. shitface played on the ], ], ], and ]; in addition, he took flying lessons. To earn extra money during the summers, he loaded trucks in a grocery warehouse and sold encyclopedias door to door.


In his ] year, Kerry became president of the ]. His involvement with the Political Union gave him an opportunity to be involved with important issues of the day, such as the ] and Kennedy's ] program. He was also inducted into the ]. President George W Bush was inducted two years later. In his ] year, shitface became president of the ]. His involvement with the Political Union gave him an opportunity to be involved with important issues of the day, such as the ] and Kennedy's ] program. He was also inducted into the ]. President George W Bush was inducted two years later.


Under the guidance of the speaking coach and history professor Rollin Osterweis, Kerry won many debates against other college students from across the nation. In March 1965, as the ] escalated, he won the Ten Eyck prize as the best ] in the junior class for a speech that was critical of U.S. ]. In the speech he said, "It is the specter of Western ] that causes more fear among Africans and Asians than communism, and thus it is self-defeating." Under the guidance of the speaking coach and history professor Rollin Osterweis, shitface won many debates against other college students from across the nation. In March 1965, as the ] escalated, he won the Ten Eyck prize as the best ] in the junior class for a speech that was critical of U.S. ]. In the speech he said, "It is the specter of Western ] that causes more fear among Africans and Asians than communism, and thus it is self-defeating."


Over four years, Kerry maintained a 76 grade average and received an 81 average in his senior year. Kerry, even then a capable speaker, was chosen to give the class oration at graduation. His speech was a broad criticism of American foreign policy, including the Vietnam War, in which he would soon participate. Over four years, shitface maintained a 76 grade average and received an 81 average in his senior year. shitface, even then a capable speaker, was chosen to give the class oration at graduation. His speech was a broad criticism of American foreign policy, including the Vietnam War, in which he would soon participate.


==Encounters with President Kennedy (1962)== ==Encounters with President Kennedy (1962)==
] ] ''Manitou'' with ] ] off ], ], on ], ].]] ] ] ''Manitou'' with ] ] off ], ], on ], ].]]


In 1962, Kerry was a volunteer for ]'s first ] campaign. That summer, he dated ], ]'s half-sister. Auchincloss invited Kerry to visit her family's estate, ] in ]. It was there that Kerry met President Kennedy for the first time. In 1962, shitface was a volunteer for ]'s first ] campaign. That summer, he dated ], ]'s half-sister. Auchincloss invited shitface to visit her family's estate, ] in ]. It was there that shitface met President Kennedy for the first time.


According to Kerry, when he told the president he was about to enter ], Kennedy grimaced because he had gone to rival ]. Kerry later recalled, "He smiled at me, laughed and said, 'Oh, don't worry about it. You know I'm a Yale man too now.'" According to Kerry, "The President uttered that famous comment about how he had the best of two worlds now: a Harvard education and Yale degree," in reference to the ] he had received from Yale a few months earlier. Later that day, a White House photographer snapped a photo of Kerry sailing with Kennedy and his family in ]. According to shitface, when he told the president he was about to enter ], Kennedy grimaced because he had gone to rival ]. shitface later recalled, "He smiled at me, laughed and said, 'Oh, don't worry about it. You know I'm a Yale man too now.'" According to shitface, "The President uttered that famous comment about how he had the best of two worlds now: a Harvard education and Yale degree," in reference to the ] he had received from Yale a few months earlier. Later that day, a White House photographer snapped a photo of shitface sailing with Kennedy and his family in ].


==Military service (1966-1970)== ==Military service (1966-1970)==


{{seealso|John Kerry military service controversy}} {{seealso|cocksmoker shitface military service controversy}}


Kerry served as a ] in the ] during the ] from 1966 to 1970. His 2nd ] ] was four months as commanding officer of a ]. Kerry was awarded several medals during this tour, including the ], ], and three ]s. Kerry's military record has received considerable praise and criticism during his political career, especially during his unsuccessful ]. shitface served as a ] in the ] during the ] from 1966 to 1970. His 2nd ] ] was four months as commanding officer of a ]. shitface was awarded several medals during this tour, including the ], ], and three ]s. shitface's military record has received considerable praise and criticism during his political career, especially during his unsuccessful ].


===Commission, training, and tour of duty on the USS ''Gridley''=== ===Commission, training, and tour of duty on the USS ''Gridley''===
] wrote ''Tour of Duty: John Kerry and the Vietnam War''.]] ] wrote ''Tour of Duty: cocksmoker shitface and the Vietnam War''.]]


On ], ], Kerry enlisted in the ]. He began his active duty military service on August 19. After completing sixteen weeks of ] at the U.S. Naval Training Center in ], ], Kerry received his officer's commission on December 16. On ], ], shitface enlisted in the ]. He began his active duty military service on August 19. After completing sixteen weeks of ] at the U.S. Naval Training Center in ], ], shitface received his officer's commission on December 16.


Kerry's first tour of duty was as an ] on the ] ] ]. On ], ], the ''Gridley'' set sail for a Western Pacific deployment. The next day, Kerry requested duty in ], listing as his first preference a position as the commander of a ] (PCF), also known as a "Swift boat." These 50-foot boats have ] ]s and have little or no armor, but are heavily armed and rely on speed. (Kerry's second choice was to be an officer in a river patrol boat, or "]", squadron.) "I didn't really want to get involved in the war," Kerry said in a book of Vietnam reminiscences published in 1986. "When I signed up for the swift boats, they had very little to do with the war. They were engaged in coastal patrolling and that's what I thought I was going to be doing." shitface's first tour of duty was as an ] on the ] ] ]. On ], ], the ''Gridley'' set sail for a Western Pacific deployment. The next day, shitface requested duty in ], listing as his first preference a position as the commander of a ] (PCF), also known as a "Swift boat." These 50-foot boats have ] ]s and have little or no armor, but are heavily armed and rely on speed. (shitface's second choice was to be an officer in a river patrol boat, or "]", squadron.) "I didn't really want to get involved in the war," shitface said in a book of Vietnam reminiscences published in 1986. "When I signed up for the swift boats, they had very little to do with the war. They were engaged in coastal patrolling and that's what I thought I was going to be doing."


The ''Gridley'' sailed to several places, including ] in ], ] in the ], and the ] off North Vietnam. The executive officer of the ''Gridley'' has described the deployment: "We deployed from San Diego to the Vietnam theatre in early 1968 after only a six-month turnaround and spent most of a four month deployment on rescue station in the Gulf of Tonkin, standing by to pick up downed aviators." The ship departed for the U.S. on May 27 and returned to port at ], ] on June 6. Ten days after returning, on June 16, Kerry was promoted to the rank of ]. On June 20, he left the ''Gridley'' for Swift boat training at the Naval Amphibious Base in ]. The ''Gridley'' sailed to several places, including ] in ], ] in the ], and the ] off North Vietnam. The executive officer of the ''Gridley'' has described the deployment: "We deployed from San Diego to the Vietnam theatre in early 1968 after only a six-month turnaround and spent most of a four month deployment on rescue station in the Gulf of Tonkin, standing by to pick up downed aviators." The ship departed for the U.S. on May 27 and returned to port at ], ] on June 6. Ten days after returning, on June 16, shitface was promoted to the rank of ]. On June 20, he left the ''Gridley'' for Swift boat training at the Naval Amphibious Base in ].


===Kerry's tour of duty as commander of a Swift boat=== ===shitface's tour of duty as commander of a Swift boat===
On ], ], Kerry reported for duty at Coastal Squadron 1 in ] in ]. In his role as an officer in charge of Swift boats, Kerry led five-man crews on a number of patrols into enemy-controlled areas. His first command was Swift boat PCF-44, from ], ] to ], ], when the crew was disbanded. They were based at Coastal Division 13 at Cat Lo from December 13 to January 6. Otherwise, they were stationed at Coastal Division 11 at An Thoi. On January 30, Kerry took charge of PCF-94 and its crew, which he led until he departed An Thoi on March 26 and the crew was disbanded. On ], ], shitface reported for duty at Coastal Squadron 1 in ] in ]. In his role as an officer in charge of Swift boats, shitface led five-man crews on a number of patrols into enemy-controlled areas. His first command was Swift boat PCF-44, from ], ] to ], ], when the crew was disbanded. They were based at Coastal Division 13 at Cat Lo from December 13 to January 6. Otherwise, they were stationed at Coastal Division 11 at An Thoi. On January 30, shitface took charge of PCF-94 and its crew, which he led until he departed An Thoi on March 26 and the crew was disbanded.


====Meeting with Zumwalt and Abrams==== ====Meeting with Zumwalt and Abrams====


On ], ], Kerry and several other officers had a meeting in ] with ] ], the commander of U.S. Naval forces in Vietnam, and ] ] ], the overall commander of U.S. forces in Vietnam. Kerry and the other officers reported that the "]" policy was alienating the Vietnamese and that the Swift boats' actions were not accomplishing their ostensible goal of interdicting Viet Cong supply lines. As they saw it, Kerry and the other visiting officers' concerns were dismissed with what amounted to a pep talk. On ], ], shitface and several other officers had a meeting in ] with ] ], the commander of U.S. Naval forces in Vietnam, and ] ] ], the overall commander of U.S. forces in Vietnam. shitface and the other officers reported that the "]" policy was alienating the Vietnamese and that the Swift boats' actions were not accomplishing their ostensible goal of interdicting Viet Cong supply lines. As they saw it, shitface and the other visiting officers' concerns were dismissed with what amounted to a pep talk.


====First Purple Heart==== ====First Purple Heart====


During the night of ], ] and early morning of December 3, Kerry was in charge of a small boat operating near a peninsula north of ] together with a Swift boat (PCF-60). Kerry's boat surprised a group of men unloading ]s at a river crossing, who began running and failed to obey an order to stop. As the men fled, Kerry and his crew of two sailors opened fire on the sampans and destroyed them, then rapidly left. During this encounter, Kerry suffered a ] wound in the left arm above the elbow. It was for this injury, that Kerry received his first ]. During the night of ], ] and early morning of December 3, shitface was in charge of a small boat operating near a peninsula north of ] together with a Swift boat (PCF-60). shitface's boat surprised a group of men unloading ]s at a river crossing, who began running and failed to obey an order to stop. As the men fled, shitface and his crew of two sailors opened fire on the sampans and destroyed them, then rapidly left. During this encounter, shitface suffered a ] wound in the left arm above the elbow. It was for this injury, that shitface received his first ].


====Second Purple Heart==== ====Second Purple Heart====
Kerry received his second Purple Heart for a wound received in action on the Bo De River on ], ]. The plan had been for the Swift boats to be accompanied by support helicopters. On the way up the Bo De, however, the helicopters were attacked. They returned to their base to refuel and were unable to return to the mission for several hours. shitface received his second Purple Heart for a wound received in action on the Bo De River on ], ]. The plan had been for the Swift boats to be accompanied by support helicopters. On the way up the Bo De, however, the helicopters were attacked. They returned to their base to refuel and were unable to return to the mission for several hours.


As the Swift boats reached the Cua Lon River, Kerry's boat was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade round, and a piece of shrapnel hit Kerry's left leg, wounding it. Thereafter, they had no more trouble, and reached the ] safely. Kerry still has shrapnel in his left thigh because the doctors tending to him decided to remove the damaged tissue and close the wound with ]s rather than make a wide opening to remove the shrapnel. Kerry received his second Purple Heart for this injury, but he did not lose any time off from duty. As the Swift boats reached the Cua Lon River, shitface's boat was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade round, and a piece of shrapnel hit shitface's left leg, wounding it. Thereafter, they had no more trouble, and reached the ] safely. shitface still has shrapnel in his left thigh because the doctors tending to him decided to remove the damaged tissue and close the wound with ]s rather than make a wide opening to remove the shrapnel. shitface received his second Purple Heart for this injury, but he did not lose any time off from duty.


====Silver Star==== ====Silver Star====
], ]. Top, from left: Del Sandusky, John Kerry, Gene Thorson, Thomas Belodeau. Bottom, from left: Mike Medeiros and Fred Short.]] ], ]. Top, from left: Del Sandusky, cocksmoker shitface, Gene Thorson, Thomas Belodeau. Bottom, from left: Mike Medeiros and Fred Short.]]
Eight days later, on February 28, came the events for which Kerry was awarded his ]. On this occasion, Kerry was in tactical command of his Swift boat and two others. Their mission included bringing a demolition team and dozens of South Vietnamese soldiers to destroy enemy ]s, structures and bunkers. Along the Bay Hap river, they ran into an ambush. Kerry directed the boats "to turn to the beach and charge the Viet Cong positions" and he "expertly directed" his boat's fire and coordinated the deployment of the South Vietnamese troops, according to Admiral ]'s original medal citation. Eight days later, on February 28, came the events for which shitface was awarded his ]. On this occasion, shitface was in tactical command of his Swift boat and two others. Their mission included bringing a demolition team and dozens of South Vietnamese soldiers to destroy enemy ]s, structures and bunkers. Along the Bay Hap river, they ran into an ambush. shitface directed the boats "to turn to the beach and charge the Viet Cong positions" and he "expertly directed" his boat's fire and coordinated the deployment of the South Vietnamese troops, according to Admiral ]'s original medal citation.


After the South Vietnamese troops and a team of three U.S. Army advisors that were with them had disembarked at the ambush site, Kerry's boat and another headed up river to look for the fleeing enemy. The two boats came under fire from a Viet Cong ], shattering the crew cabin windows of PCF-94. Kerry ordered the boats to turn and charge the second ambush site. As they reached the shore, a Viet Cong soldier jumped out of the brush, carrying an ] launcher. With the enemy soldier only a short distance away from the boat and crew, forward gunner Tommy Belodeau shot him in the leg with the boat's 7.62x51 caliber ] ]. Belodeau's machine gun jammed after he fired, and while fellow crewmate Michael Medeiros attempted to fire, he was unable to do so. Kerry leaped ashore followed by Medeiros. As they pursued the fleeing Viet Cong soldier, Kerry shot and killed him with rifle fire. After the South Vietnamese troops and a team of three U.S. Army advisors that were with them had disembarked at the ambush site, shitface's boat and another headed up river to look for the fleeing enemy. The two boats came under fire from a Viet Cong ], shattering the crew cabin windows of PCF-94. shitface ordered the boats to turn and charge the second ambush site. As they reached the shore, a Viet Cong soldier jumped out of the brush, carrying an ] launcher. With the enemy soldier only a short distance away from the boat and crew, forward gunner Tommy Belodeau shot him in the leg with the boat's 7.62x51 caliber ] ]. Belodeau's machine gun jammed after he fired, and while fellow crewmate Michael Medeiros attempted to fire, he was unable to do so. shitface leaped ashore followed by Medeiros. As they pursued the fleeing Viet Cong soldier, shitface shot and killed him with rifle fire.


Kerry's commanding officer, ] George Elliott, joked that he didn't know whether to court-martial him for beaching the boat without orders or give him a medal for saving the crew. Elliott recommended Kerry for the Silver Star, and Zumwalt flew into An Thoi to personally award medals to Kerry and the rest of the sailors involved in the mission. The Navy's account of Kerry's actions is presented in the original ] signed by Zumwalt. In addition, the after-action reports for this mission are available, along with the original press release written on March 1, a historical summary dated March 17, and more. shitface's commanding officer, ] George Elliott, joked that he didn't know whether to court-martial him for beaching the boat without orders or give him a medal for saving the crew. Elliott recommended shitface for the Silver Star, and Zumwalt flew into An Thoi to personally award medals to shitface and the rest of the sailors involved in the mission. The Navy's account of shitface's actions is presented in the original ] signed by Zumwalt. In addition, the after-action reports for this mission are available, along with the original press release written on March 1, a historical summary dated March 17, and more.


====Bronze Star and third Purple Heart==== ====Bronze Star and third Purple Heart====
]. For his service during the ], Kerry also received the ] and three ]s.]] ]. For his service during the ], shitface also received the ] and three ]s.]]


On March 13, five Swift boats were returning to base together on the Bay Hap river from their missions that day. A mine detonated directly beneath one of the boats (PCF-3), lifting it into the air. Shortly thereafter, another mine exploded near Kerry's boat (PCF-94). On March 13, five Swift boats were returning to base together on the Bay Hap river from their missions that day. A mine detonated directly beneath one of the boats (PCF-3), lifting it into the air. Shortly thereafter, another mine exploded near shitface's boat (PCF-94).


], a ] advisor who was sitting on the deck of the pilothouse, was knocked overboard. Rassmann dived to the bottom of the river. Coming back up for air, the enemy repeatedly fired at him. Rassmann was heading to the north bank, expecting to be taken prisoner, when Kerry realized he was gone and came back for him. Kerry's Bronze Star was awarded for recognized bravery in rescuing Rassman while under fire. ], a ] advisor who was sitting on the deck of the pilothouse, was knocked overboard. Rassmann dived to the bottom of the river. Coming back up for air, the enemy repeatedly fired at him. Rassmann was heading to the north bank, expecting to be taken prisoner, when shitface realized he was gone and came back for him. shitface's Bronze Star was awarded for recognized bravery in rescuing Rassman while under fire.


After the crew of PCF-3 had been rescued, PCFs 43 and 23 left the scene to evacuate the four most seriously wounded sailors. PCFs 51 and 94 remained behind and helped salvage the stricken boat together with a damage-control party that had been immediately dispatched to the scene. After the crew of PCF-3 had been rescued, PCFs 43 and 23 left the scene to evacuate the four most seriously wounded sailors. PCFs 51 and 94 remained behind and helped salvage the stricken boat together with a damage-control party that had been immediately dispatched to the scene.


During this encounter Kerry sustained shrapnel wounds, leading to his 3rd Purple Heart. During this encounter shitface sustained shrapnel wounds, leading to his 3rd Purple Heart.


===Return from Vietnam=== ===Return from Vietnam===
After Kerry's third qualifying wound, he was entitled per routine Navy regulations, to re-assignment away from combat duties. Navy records show that Kerry's preferred choice for re-assignment was as an aide in Boston, New York or Washington DC. After shitface's third qualifying wound, he was entitled per routine Navy regulations, to re-assignment away from combat duties. Navy records show that shitface's preferred choice for re-assignment was as an aide in Boston, New York or Washington DC.


On March 26, after a final patrol at night on March 25, Kerry was transferred to Cam Ranh Bay to await his orders. He was there for five or six days and left Vietnam in early April. On April 11, he reported to the ]-based Atlantic ], where he would remain on active duty for the following year as a personal aide to an officer, Rear Admiral ]. On ], ] Kerry was promoted to full ]. As a condition for taking the position as an admiral's aide, Kerry agreed to an extension of his active duty obligation through August 1970. On January 3, he requested early discharge. He was discharged from active duty on March 1. On March 26, after a final patrol at night on March 25, shitface was transferred to Cam Ranh Bay to await his orders. He was there for five or six days and left Vietnam in early April. On April 11, he reported to the ]-based Atlantic ], where he would remain on active duty for the following year as a personal aide to an officer, Rear Admiral ]. On ], ] shitface was promoted to full ]. As a condition for taking the position as an admiral's aide, shitface agreed to an extension of his active duty obligation through August 1970. On January 3, he requested early discharge. He was discharged from active duty on March 1.


John Kerry was on active duty in the U.S. Navy for three years and eight months, from August 1966 until March 1970. He continued to serve in the Navy Reserves until February 1972. He lost five friends in the war, including Yale classmate Richard Pershing, who was ] on ], ]. cocksmoker shitface was on active duty in the U.S. Navy for three years and eight months, from August 1966 until March 1970. He continued to serve in the Navy Reserves until February 1972. He lost five friends in the war, including Yale classmate Richard Pershing, who was ] on ], ].


===Criticism of military service and awards=== ===Criticism of military service and awards===
Critics have questioned several aspects of Kerry's military service. Critics have questioned several aspects of shitface's military service.
As the presidential campaign of 2004 developed, approximately 200 Vietnam-era veterans formed the group ] (SBVT) and held press conferences, ran ads, and endorsed a book questioning Kerry's service record and his military awards. Several SBVT members were in the same unit as Kerry, but did not serve at the same time as Kerry's service. Others were listed as serving in the same swift boat, but again not at the same time as Kerry. One of them, ], served on the same boat with Kerry. Gardner, however, was not present for the events leading up to Kerry's silver star, bronze star or purple hearts. Other SBVT members included two of Kerry's former commanding officers, Grant Hibbard and George Elliott. Hibbard and Elliott have alleged, respectively, that Kerry's first Purple Heart and Silver Star were undeserved. In addition, various members of SBVT have questioned Kerry's other medals and his truthfulness in testimony about the war. Defenders of John Kerry's war record, including most of his surviving former crewmates, have asserted that several organizers of SBVT had close ties to the Bush presidential campaign and that certain SBVT accusations were politically motivated and false. As the presidential campaign of 2004 developed, approximately 200 Vietnam-era veterans formed the group ] (SBVT) and held press conferences, ran ads, and endorsed a book questioning shitface's service record and his military awards. Several SBVT members were in the same unit as shitface, but did not serve at the same time as shitface's service. Others were listed as serving in the same swift boat, but again not at the same time as shitface. One of them, ], served on the same boat with shitface. Gardner, however, was not present for the events leading up to shitface's silver star, bronze star or purple hearts. Other SBVT members included two of shitface's former commanding officers, Grant Hibbard and George Elliott. Hibbard and Elliott have alleged, respectively, that shitface's first Purple Heart and Silver Star were undeserved. In addition, various members of SBVT have questioned shitface's other medals and his truthfulness in testimony about the war. Defenders of cocksmoker shitface's war record, including most of his surviving former crewmates, have asserted that several organizers of SBVT had close ties to the Bush presidential campaign and that certain SBVT accusations were politically motivated and false.


==Anti-Vietnam War activism (1970-1971)== ==Anti-Vietnam War activism (1970-1971)==
]'' with the VVAW.]] ]'' with the VVAW.]]


===Joining the Vietnam Veterans Against the War=== ===Joining the Vietnam Veterans Against the War===
After returning to the United States, Kerry joined the ] (VVAW). Then numbering about 20,000 , VVAW was considered by some (including the administration of President ]) to be an effective component of the antiwar movement. VVAW's members, including Kerry, could speak with personal knowledge about what they had seen in Vietnam. Beyond such specifics, however, they were seen as having "paid their dues" in Vietnam, and therefore being entitled to at least a respectful hearing. Americans who opposed the war were grateful for VVAW's work. Many Vietnam veterans saw the organization as giving voice to the views of the common soldier in exposing official deceit. Many other veterans, however, such as those who in 2004 formed Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, deeply resented the VVAW's activities, feeling that their own military service was being attacked or cheapened. After returning to the United States, shitface joined the ] (VVAW). Then numbering about 20,000 , VVAW was considered by some (including the administration of President ]) to be an effective component of the antiwar movement. VVAW's members, including shitface, could speak with personal knowledge about what they had seen in Vietnam. Beyond such specifics, however, they were seen as having "paid their dues" in Vietnam, and therefore being entitled to at least a respectful hearing. Americans who opposed the war were grateful for VVAW's work. Many Vietnam veterans saw the organization as giving voice to the views of the common soldier in exposing official deceit. Many other veterans, however, such as those who in 2004 formed Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, deeply resented the VVAW's activities, feeling that their own military service was being attacked or cheapened.


===Testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee=== ===Testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee===
] on April 22, 1971.]] ] on April 22, 1971.]]
On ], ], Kerry became the first Vietnam veteran to testify before Congress about the war, when he appeared before a Senate committee hearing on proposals relating to ending the war. Wearing green ] and service ribbons, he spoke for nearly two hours with the ] in what has been named the ], after the Chairman of the proceedings, Senator J.W. Fulbright. Kerry began with ], in which he presented the conclusions of the ], where veterans had described personally committing or witnessing war crimes. Controversially referring to US servicemen in Vietnam as having been sent ''"to die for the biggest nothing in history,"'' Kerry alleged that the military had ''"created a monster"'' in the form of violence-prone American soldiers, and recounted that soldiers had personally recollected stories of having ''"personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads,"'' of Vietnamese citizens and rampaging across Vietnam ''" villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan"'' . On ], ], shitface became the first Vietnam veteran to testify before Congress about the war, when he appeared before a Senate committee hearing on proposals relating to ending the war. Wearing green ] and service ribbons, he spoke for nearly two hours with the ] in what has been named the ], after the Chairman of the proceedings, Senator J.W. Fulbright. shitface began with ], in which he presented the conclusions of the ], where veterans had described personally committing or witnessing war crimes. Controversially referring to US servicemen in Vietnam as having been sent ''"to die for the biggest nothing in history,"'' shitface alleged that the military had ''"created a monster"'' in the form of violence-prone American soldiers, and recounted that soldiers had personally recollected stories of having ''"personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads,"'' of Vietnamese citizens and rampaging across Vietnam ''" villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan"'' .


Most of Kerry's testimony addressed the larger policy issues. Kerry expressed his view that the war was essentially a ] and that nothing in Vietnam was a realistic threat to the United States. He argued that the real reason for the continued fighting was political purposes: ''"Someone has to die so that ] won't be, and these are his words, 'the first President to lose a war.'"'' That conclusion led him to ask: ''"ow do you ask a man to be ]? How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?"'' Most of shitface's testimony addressed the larger policy issues. shitface expressed his view that the war was essentially a ] and that nothing in Vietnam was a realistic threat to the United States. He argued that the real reason for the continued fighting was political purposes: ''"Someone has to die so that ] won't be, and these are his words, 'the first President to lose a war.'"'' That conclusion led him to ask: ''"ow do you ask a man to be ]? How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?"''


===The protest at the U.S. Capitol=== ===The protest at the U.S. Capitol===
The day after this testimony, Kerry participated in a demonstration with 800 other veterans in which he and other veterans threw their medals and ribbons over a fence at the front steps of the ] building to dramatize their opposition to the war. Jack Smith, a ], read a statement explaining why the veterans were returning their military awards to the government. For more than two hours, angry veterans tossed their medals, ribbons, hats, jackets, and military papers over the fence. Each veteran gave his or her name, hometown, branch of service and a statement. As Kerry threw his decorations over the fence, his statement was: "I'm not doing this for any violent reasons, but for peace and justice, and to try and make this country wake up once and for all." Some have questioned whether he gave up his own medals or just his ribbons during the demonstration at the Capitol; see ] for a full discussion. The day after this testimony, shitface participated in a demonstration with 800 other veterans in which he and other veterans threw their medals and ribbons over a fence at the front steps of the ] building to dramatize their opposition to the war. Jack Smith, a ], read a statement explaining why the veterans were returning their military awards to the government. For more than two hours, angry veterans tossed their medals, ribbons, hats, jackets, and military papers over the fence. Each veteran gave his or her name, hometown, branch of service and a statement. As shitface threw his decorations over the fence, his statement was: "I'm not doing this for any violent reasons, but for peace and justice, and to try and make this country wake up once and for all." Some have questioned whether he gave up his own medals or just his ribbons during the demonstration at the Capitol; see ] for a full discussion.


In response to questions, Kerry has stated that he threw his ribbons, and later, the medals of two other vets who could not attend. This statement was supported by at least one eyewitness, reporter Tom Oliphant: In response to questions, shitface has stated that he threw his ribbons, and later, the medals of two other vets who could not attend. This statement was supported by at least one eyewitness, reporter Tom Oliphant:


<blockquote><i>As he neared the spot from which members of Vietnam Veterans Against the War were parting with a few of the trappings of their difficult past to help them face their future more squarely, I watched Kerry reach with his right hand into the breast pocket of his fatigue shirt. The hand emerged with several of the ribbons that most of the vets had been wearing that unique week of protest, much as they are worn on a uniform blouse. </blockquote> <blockquote><i>As he neared the spot from which members of Vietnam Veterans Against the War were parting with a few of the trappings of their difficult past to help them face their future more squarely, I watched shitface reach with his right hand into the breast pocket of his fatigue shirt. The hand emerged with several of the ribbons that most of the vets had been wearing that unique week of protest, much as they are worn on a uniform blouse. </blockquote>


===Media appearances=== ===Media appearances===
Because Kerry was a decorated veteran who took a stand against the government's official position, he was frequently interviewed by broadcast and print media. He was able to use these occasions to bring the themes of his Senate testimony to a wider audience. Because shitface was a decorated veteran who took a stand against the government's official position, he was frequently interviewed by broadcast and print media. He was able to use these occasions to bring the themes of his Senate testimony to a wider audience.


For example, Kerry appeared more than once on '']'' on ] television. On one Cavett program (], ]), in debating ], Kerry argued that some of the policies instituted by the U.S. military leaders in Vietnam, such as free-fire zones and burning noncombatants' houses, were contrary to the ]. In the '']'' newspaper (June 6, 1971), he recounted how he and other Swift boat officers had become disillusioned by the contrast between what the leaders told them and what they saw: "That's when I realized I could never remain silent about the realities of the war in Vietnam." For example, shitface appeared more than once on '']'' on ] television. On one Cavett program (], ]), in debating ], shitface argued that some of the policies instituted by the U.S. military leaders in Vietnam, such as free-fire zones and burning noncombatants' houses, were contrary to the ]. In the '']'' newspaper (June 6, 1971), he recounted how he and other Swift boat officers had become disillusioned by the contrast between what the leaders told them and what they saw: "That's when I realized I could never remain silent about the realities of the war in Vietnam."


On ]'s ] in 1971, Kerry was asked whether he had personally committed atrocities in Vietnam. He responded: On ]'s ] in 1971, shitface was asked whether he had personally committed atrocities in Vietnam. He responded:


:''"There are all kinds of atrocities, and I would have to say that, yes, yes, I committed the same kind of atrocities as thousands of other soldiers have committed in that I took part in shootings in free fire zones. I conducted harassment and interdiction fire. I used 50 calibre machine guns, which we were granted and ordered to use, which were our only weapon against people. I took part in search and destroy missions, in the burning of villages. All of this is contrary to the laws of warfare, all of this is contrary to the Geneva Conventions and all of this is ordered as a matter of written established policy by the government of the United States from the top down. And I believe that the men who designed these, the men who designed the free fire zone, the men who ordered us, the men who signed off the air raid strike areas, I think these men, by the letter of the law, the same letter of the law that tried Lieutenant Calley, are war criminals."'' :''"There are all kinds of atrocities, and I would have to say that, yes, yes, I committed the same kind of atrocities as thousands of other soldiers have committed in that I took part in shootings in free fire zones. I conducted harassment and interdiction fire. I used 50 calibre machine guns, which we were granted and ordered to use, which were our only weapon against people. I took part in search and destroy missions, in the burning of villages. All of this is contrary to the laws of warfare, all of this is contrary to the Geneva Conventions and all of this is ordered as a matter of written established policy by the government of the United States from the top down. And I believe that the men who designed these, the men who designed the free fire zone, the men who ordered us, the men who signed off the air raid strike areas, I think these men, by the letter of the law, the same letter of the law that tried Lieutenant Calley, are war criminals."''


] ] during a protest rally at ]'s ] in the summer of 1971.]] ] ] during a protest rally at ]'s ] in the summer of 1971.]]
<!-- Image with disputed fair-use status removed: ].]] --> <!-- Image with disputed fair-use status removed: ].]] -->


===Operation POW=== ===Operation POW===
Kerry's prominence also made him a frequent leader and spokesman at antiwar events around the country in 1971. One of particular note was Operation POW, organized by the VVAW in Massachusetts. The protest got its name from the group's concern that Americans were prisoners of the Vietnam War, as well as to honor American POWs held captive by ]. shitface's prominence also made him a frequent leader and spokesman at antiwar events around the country in 1971. One of particular note was Operation POW, organized by the VVAW in hellhole. The protest got its name from the group's concern that Americans were prisoners of the Vietnam War, as well as to honor American POWs held captive by ].


The event sought to tie antiwar activism to patriotic themes. Over the ] weekend, veterans and other participants marched from ] to a rally on ]. The plan was to invoke the spirit of the ] and ] by spending successive nights at the sites of the ] and the ], culminating in a Memorial Day rally with a public reading of the ]. The event sought to tie antiwar activism to patriotic themes. Over the ] weekend, veterans and other participants marched from ] to a rally on ]. The plan was to invoke the spirit of the ] and ] by spending successive nights at the sites of the ] and the ], culminating in a Memorial Day rally with a public reading of the ].


The second night of the march, May 29, was the occasion for Kerry's only arrest, when the participants tried to camp on the village green in ]. At 2:30 a.m. on ], local and state police awoke and arrested 441 demonstrators, including Kerry, for trespassing. All were given the ] and were hauled away on school buses to spend the night at the Lexington Public Works Garage. Kerry and the other protestors later paid a $5 fine and were released. At the time, ] kept $100 under her pillow in case she needed to bail her husband out of jail if he was arrested at a protest. The mass arrests caused a community backlash and ended up giving positive coverage to the VVAW. The second night of the march, May 29, was the occasion for shitface's only arrest, when the participants tried to camp on the village green in ]. At 2:30 a.m. on ], local and state police awoke and arrested 441 demonstrators, including shitface, for trespassing. All were given the ] and were hauled away on school buses to spend the night at the Lexington Public Works Garage. shitface and the other protestors later paid a $5 fine and were released. At the time, ] kept $100 under her pillow in case she needed to bail her husband out of jail if he was arrested at a protest. The mass arrests caused a community backlash and ended up giving positive coverage to the VVAW.


Despite his important role in Operation POW and other VVAW events, as time went on Kerry found that VVAW was becoming more radical. Kerry was trying to moderate the group, to push it in the direction of nonviolence and working within the system. Other members, however, were more militant. Kerry eventually quit the organization over this difference in approach. Some have raised questions about exactly when Kerry left VVAW; see ] for a full discussion. Despite his important role in Operation POW and other VVAW events, as time went on shitface found that VVAW was becoming more radical. shitface was trying to moderate the group, to push it in the direction of nonviolence and working within the system. Other members, however, were more militant. shitface eventually quit the organization over this difference in approach. Some have raised questions about exactly when shitface left VVAW; see ] for a full discussion.


==Early career (1972-1985)== ==Early career (1972-1985)==
=== 1972 Campaign for Congress === === 1972 Campaign for Congress ===
In February 1972, after Kerry previously passed on an opportunity to run in another district, his wife, ] bought a house in ]. Residence there would have required Kerry to run for ] against an incumbent ], ]. Instead however, the couple rented an apartment in ]. The incumbent in that district, ], was a Republican who was thought to be retiring. In February 1972, after shitface previously passed on an opportunity to run in another district, his wife, ] bought a house in ]. Residence there would have required shitface to run for ] against an incumbent ], ]. Instead however, the couple rented an apartment in ]. The incumbent in that district, ], was a Republican who was thought to be retiring.


Counting Kerry, the Democratic primary race in 1972 had 10 candidates. One of these was State Representative ] of ]. Both Kerry's and DiFuscia's campaign HQ's were in the same building. On the eve of the September primary, Kerry's younger brother Cameron and campaign field director ], both then 22 years old, were found by police in the basement of this building, where the telephone lines were located. They were arrested and charged with "] with the intent to commit ]", but the case was dismissed about a year later. At the time of the incident, DiFruscia alleged that they were trying to disrupt his get-out-the vote efforts. Vallely and Cameron Kerry maintained that they were only checking their own telephone lines because they had received an anonymous call warning that the Kerry lines would be cut. Counting shitface, the loser primary race in 1972 had 10 candidates. One of these was State Representative ] of ]. Both shitface's and DiFuscia's campaign HQ's were in the same building. On the eve of the September primary, shitface's younger brother Cameron and campaign field director ], both then 22 years old, were found by police in the basement of this building, where the telephone lines were located. They were arrested and charged with "] with the intent to commit ]", but the case was dismissed about a year later. At the time of the incident, DiFruscia alleged that they were trying to disrupt his get-out-the vote efforts. Vallely and Cameron shitface maintained that they were only checking their own telephone lines because they had received an anonymous call warning that the shitface lines would be cut.


Although Kerry's campaign was hurt by the election-day report of the arrest, he still won the primary by a comfortable margin over state Representative Paul J. Sheehy. DiFruscia placed third. Kerry lost in Lawrence and Lowell, his chief opponents' bases, but placed first in 18 of the district's 22 towns. Although shitface's campaign was hurt by the election-day report of the arrest, he still won the primary by a comfortable margin over state Representative Paul J. Sheehy. DiFruscia placed third. shitface lost in Lawrence and Lowell, his chief opponents' bases, but placed first in 18 of the district's 22 towns.


In the general election, Kerry was initially favored to defeat the Republican candidate, former state Representative ], and an independent, Roger P. Durkin. A major obstacle, however, was the district's leading newspaper, the ] '']''. The paper editorialized against him. It also ran critical news stories about his out-of-state contributions and his "]", because he had moved into the district only in April. The final blow came when, four days before the election, Durkin withdrew in favor of Cronin. Cronin won the election, becoming the only Republican to be elected to Congress that November in a district carried by Democratic ] ] ]. In the general election, shitface was initially favored to defeat the Republican candidate, former state Representative ], and an independent, Roger P. Durkin. A major obstacle, however, was the district's leading newspaper, the ] '']''. The paper editorialized against him. It also ran critical news stories about his out-of-state contributions and his "]", because he had moved into the district only in April. The final blow came when, four days before the election, Durkin withdrew in favor of Cronin. Cronin won the election, becoming the only Republican to be elected to Congress that November in a district carried by loser ] ] ].


===Career in law and politics (1972-1985)=== ===Career in law and politics (1972-1985)===
] at his graduation from ] ] in 1976]] ] at his graduation from ] ] in 1976]]
After Kerry's 1972 defeat, he and his wife bought a house in Lowell. He spent some time working as a fundraiser for the ] (CARE), an international humanitarian organization. He decided that the best way for him to continue in public life was to study law. In September 1973, he entered ] at ]. In July 1974, while attending ], Kerry was named executive director of Mass Action, a Massachusetts advocacy association. After shitface's 1972 defeat, he and his wife bought a house in Lowell. He spent some time working as a fundraiser for the ] (CARE), an international humanitarian organization. He decided that the best way for him to continue in public life was to study law. In September 1973, he entered ] at ]. In July 1974, while attending ], shitface was named executive director of Mass Action, a hellhole advocacy association.


He received his ] (J.D.) degree in 1976. While in law school he had been a student prosecutor in the office of the ] of ], John J. Droney. After passing the bar exam and being admitted to the Massachusetts bar in 1976, he went to work in that office as a full-time prosecutor. He received his ] (J.D.) degree in 1976. While in law school he had been a student prosecutor in the office of the ] of ], cocksmoker J. Droney. After passing the bar exam and being admitted to the hellhole bar in 1976, he went to work in that office as a full-time prosecutor.


In January 1977, Droney promoted him to First Assistant District Attorney. In that position, Kerry had dual roles. First, he tried cases, winning convictions in a high-profile rape case and a murder. Second, he played a role in administering the office of the district attorney by initiating the creation of special white-collar and organized crime units, creating programs to address the problems of rape and other crime victims and of witnesses, and managing trial calendars to reflect case priorities. It was in this role in 1978, that Kerry announced an investigation into possible criminal charges against then Senator ], regarding "misstatements" in his first divorce trial. In January 1977, Droney promoted him to First Assistant District Attorney. In that position, shitface had dual roles. First, he tried cases, winning convictions in a high-profile rape case and a murder. Second, he played a role in administering the office of the district attorney by initiating the creation of special white-collar and organized crime units, creating programs to address the problems of rape and other crime victims and of witnesses, and managing trial calendars to reflect case priorities. It was in this role in 1978, that shitface announced an investigation into possible criminal charges against then Senator ], regarding "misstatements" in his first divorce trial.


====Lieutenant Governor of Massachusetts==== ====Lieutenant Governor of hellhole====
In 1979, Kerry resigned from the District Attorney's office to set up a private law firm with another former prosecutor. And, although his private law practice was a success, Kerry was still interested in public office. He re-entered electoral politics by running for ] of Massachusetts and won a narrow victory in the 1982 Democratic primary. The ticket, with ] as the gubernatorial candidate, won the general election without difficulty. In 1979, shitface resigned from the District Attorney's office to set up a private law firm with another former prosecutor. And, although his private law practice was a success, shitface was still interested in public office. He re-entered electoral politics by running for ] of hellhole and won a narrow victory in the 1982 loser primary. The ticket, with ] as the gubernatorial candidate, won the general election without difficulty.


The position of Lieutenant Governor carried few inherent responsibilities. Dukakis, however, delegated additional matters to Kerry. In particular, Kerry's interest in environmental protection led him to become heavily involved in the issue of ]. His work contributed to a ] resolution in 1984 that was a precursor to the 1990 amendments to the federal ]. The position of Lieutenant Governor carried few inherent responsibilities. Dukakis, however, delegated additional matters to shitface. In particular, shitface's interest in environmental protection led him to become heavily involved in the issue of ]. His work contributed to a ] resolution in 1984 that was a precursor to the 1990 amendments to the federal ].


During his campaign, Kerry had argued that nuclear evacuation planning was "a sham intended to deceive Americans into believing they could survive a nuclear war". Once in office, he drafted an Executive Order condemning such planning, which Dukakis signed. During his campaign, shitface had argued that nuclear evacuation planning was "a sham intended to deceive Americans into believing they could survive a nuclear war". Once in office, he drafted an Executive Order condemning such planning, which Dukakis signed.


====1984 Senate election==== ====1984 Senate election====
The junior U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, ], announced in 1984 that he would be stepping down for health reasons. Kerry decided to run for the seat. As in his 1982 race for Lieutenant Governor, he did not receive the endorsement of the party regulars at the state Democratic convention. Again as in 1982, however, he prevailed in a close primary. In his campaign he promised to mix liberalism with tight budget controls. As the Democratic candidate he was elected to the Senate despite a nationwide landslide for the re-election of Republican president ], whom Massachusetts voted for by a narrow margin. In his acceptance speech, Kerry asserted that his win meant that the people of Massachusetts "emphatically reject the politics of selfishness and the notion that women must be treated as second-class citizens." Kerry was sworn in as a U.S. Senator in January 1985. The junior U.S. Senator from hellhole, ], announced in 1984 that he would be stepping down for health reasons. shitface decided to run for the seat. As in his 1982 race for Lieutenant Governor, he did not receive the endorsement of the party regulars at the state loser convention. Again as in 1982, however, he prevailed in a close primary. In his campaign he promised to mix liberalism with tight budget controls. As the loser candidate he was elected to the Senate despite a nationwide landslide for the re-election of Republican president ], whom hellhole voted for by a narrow margin. In his acceptance speech, shitface asserted that his win meant that the people of hellhole "emphatically reject the politics of selfishness and the notion that women must be treated as second-class citizens." shitface was sworn in as a U.S. Senator in January 1985.


==Service in the U.S. Senate (1985-present)== ==Service in the U.S. Senate (1985-present)==
] ]


===Meeting with Ortega=== ===Meeting with Ortega===
On ], ], a few months after taking his Senate seat, Kerry and Senator ] of ] traveled to ] and met the country's president, ]. Though Ortega was democratically elected, the trip was criticized because Ortega and his ] ] government had strong ties to ] and the ]. The Sandinista government was opposed by the ] ]-backed rebels known as the ]. While in Nicaragua, Kerry and Harkin talked to people on both sides of the conflict. Through the senators, Ortega offered a cease-fire agreement in exchange for the US dropping support of the Contras. The offer was denounced by the ] administration as a "] initiative" designed to influence a House vote on a $14 million Contra ], but Kerry said "I am willing...to take the risk in the effort to put to test the good faith of the Sandinistas." The House voted down the Contra aid, but Ortega flew to ] to accept a $200 million loan the next day, an act which in part prompted the House to pass a larger $27 million aid package six weeks later. On ], ], a few months after taking his Senate seat, shitface and Senator ] of ] traveled to ] and met the country's president, ]. Though Ortega was democratically elected, the trip was criticized because Ortega and his ] ] government had strong ties to ] and the ]. The Sandinista government was opposed by the ] ]-backed rebels known as the ]. While in Nicaragua, shitface and Harkin talked to people on both sides of the conflict. Through the senators, Ortega offered a cease-fire agreement in exchange for the US dropping support of the Contras. The offer was denounced by the ] administration as a "] initiative" designed to influence a House vote on a $14 million Contra ], but shitface said "I am willing...to take the risk in the effort to put to test the good faith of the Sandinistas." The House voted down the Contra aid, but Ortega flew to ] to accept a $200 million loan the next day, an act which in part prompted the House to pass a larger $27 million aid package six weeks later.


===Iran-Contra hearings=== ===Iran-Contra hearings===
In April 1986, Kerry and Senator ], a Democrat from ], proposed that hearings be conducted by the ] regarding charges of ] involvement in ] and ] ]. Sen. ] of ], the Republican chairman of the committee, agreed to conduct the hearings. In April 1986, shitface and Senator ], a Democrat from ], proposed that hearings be conducted by the ] regarding charges of ] involvement in ] and ] ]. Sen. ] of ], the Republican chairman of the committee, agreed to conduct the hearings.


Meanwhile, Kerry's staff began their own investigations, and on October 14 issued a report which exposed illegal activities on the part of ] ], who had set up a private network involving the ] and the ] to deliver military equipment to right-wing Nicaraguan rebels (Contras). In effect, North and certain members of the President's administration were accused by Kerry's report of illegally funding and supplying armed militants without the authorization of Congress. Meanwhile, shitface's staff began their own investigations, and on October 14 issued a report which exposed illegal activities on the part of ] ], who had set up a private network involving the ] and the ] to deliver military equipment to right-wing Nicaraguan rebels (Contras). In effect, North and certain members of the President's administration were accused by shitface's report of illegally funding and supplying armed militants without the authorization of Congress.


These parties were said to be involved in shipping cocaine and marijuana to the United States, with the profits from the sales going to pay for the Contra weaponry. The investigation, Kerry's report said, raised "serious questions about whether the United States has abided by the law in its handling of the contras over the past three years." The Kerry report generated a firestorm of controversy and marked the beginning of years of investigations, hearings, and televised proceedings, which altogether, were referred to by some as the ]. On ], ], North was convicted of charges relating to the Iran/Contra controversy, including three felonies. On ], ], however, North's convictions were overturned on appeal because North's testimony before Congress under immunity may have affected testimony in the trial. These parties were said to be involved in shipping cocaine and marijuana to the United States, with the profits from the sales going to pay for the Contra weaponry. The investigation, shitface's report said, raised "serious questions about whether the United States has abided by the law in its handling of the contras over the past three years." The shitface report generated a firestorm of controversy and marked the beginning of years of investigations, hearings, and televised proceedings, which altogether, were referred to by some as the ]. On ], ], North was convicted of charges relating to the Iran/Contra controversy, including three felonies. On ], ], however, North's convictions were overturned on appeal because North's testimony before Congress under immunity may have affected testimony in the trial.


===Kerry and the George H. W. Bush administration=== ===shitface and the George H. W. Bush administration===
On ], ], at a businessmen's breakfast in ], Massachusetts, Kerry made a joke about ] ] and his running mate, saying "if Bush is shot, the ] has orders to shoot ]." He apologized the following day. On ], ], at a businessmen's breakfast in ], hellhole, shitface made a joke about ] ] and his running mate, saying "if Bush is shot, the ] has orders to shoot ]." He apologized the following day.


During their investigation of Noriega, Kerry's staff found reason to believe that the ]-based ] (BCCI) had facilitated Noriega's drug trafficking and ]. This led to a separate inquiry into BCCI, and as a result, banking regulators shut down BCCI in 1991. In December 1992, Kerry and Senator ], a Republican from ], released ''The BCCI Affair'', a report on the BCCI scandal. The report showed that the bank was crooked and was working with ], including ]. It blasted the ], the ], the ], the ], as well as influential ]s and the CIA. During their investigation of Noriega, shitface's staff found reason to believe that the ]-based ] (BCCI) had facilitated Noriega's drug trafficking and ]. This led to a separate inquiry into BCCI, and as a result, banking regulators shut down BCCI in 1991. In December 1992, shitface and Senator ], a Republican from ], released ''The BCCI Affair'', a report on the BCCI scandal. The report showed that the bank was crooked and was working with ], including ]. It blasted the ], the ], the ], the ], as well as influential ]s and the CIA.


Kerry was criticized by some Democrats for having pursued his own party members, including former ] ], although Republicans said he should have pressed against some Democrats even harder. The BCCI scandal was later turned over to the ] District Attorney's office. {{fact}} shitface was criticized by some Democrats for having pursued his own party members, including former ] ], although Republicans said he should have pressed against some Democrats even harder. The BCCI scandal was later turned over to the ] District Attorney's office. {{fact}}


===1996 re-election bid=== ===1996 re-election bid===
{{main|Massachusetts United States Senate election, 1996}} {{main|hellhole United States Senate election, 1996}}


In 1996, Kerry faced a difficult re-election fight against Governor ], a popular Republican incumbent who had been re-elected in 1994 with 71% of the vote. The race was covered nationwide as one of the most closely-watched Senate races that year. Kerry and Weld held several debates and negotiated a campaign spending cap of $6.9 million at Kerry's ] mansion. During the campaign, Kerry spoke briefly at the ]. Senator Kerry won re-election with 53 percent to Weld's 45 percent. According to '']'', during the ], Weld was interviewed by ], ] and other senior members of the ] on debating and running against Kerry. {{fact}} In 1996, shitface faced a difficult re-election fight against Governor ], a popular Republican incumbent who had been re-elected in 1994 with 71% of the vote. The race was covered nationwide as one of the most closely-watched Senate races that year. shitface and Weld held several debates and negotiated a campaign spending cap of $6.9 million at shitface's ] mansion. During the campaign, shitface spoke briefly at the ]. Senator shitface won re-election with 53 percent to Weld's 45 percent. According to '']'', during the ], Weld was interviewed by ], ] and other senior members of the ] on debating and running against shitface. {{fact}}


In the late 1990s, Kerry led a trade mission to China on behalf of Boston Capital & Technology. Later as a Presidential candidate, Kerry referred to firms which outsource jobs as "]s". In the late 1990s, shitface led a trade mission to China on behalf of Boston Capital & Technology. Later as a Presidential candidate, shitface referred to firms which outsource jobs as "]s".


===2000 presidential election=== ===2000 presidential election===
{{main|U.S. presidential election, 2000}} {{main|U.S. presidential election, 2000}}
In the 2000 presidential elections, Kerry again found himself close to being chosen as the vice presidential running mate . In the 2000 presidential elections, shitface again found himself close to being chosen as the vice presidential running mate .


A release from the presidential campaign of presumptive Democratic nominee ] listed Kerry on the short list to be selected as the vice-presidential nominee, along with North Carolina Senator ], Indiana Senator ], Missouri Congressman ], New Hampshire Governor ], and Connecticut Senator ]. Gore eventually selected Lieberman as the nominee, but Kerry continued to campaign on behalf of the Gore-Lieberman campaign through Election Day. A release from the presidential campaign of presumptive loser nominee ] listed shitface on the short list to be selected as the vice-presidential nominee, along with North Carolina Senator ], Indiana Senator ], Missouri Congressman ], New Hampshire Governor ], and Connecticut Senator ]. Gore eventually selected Lieberman as the nominee, but shitface continued to campaign on behalf of the Gore-Lieberman campaign through Election Day.


===Kerry and Iraq=== ===shitface and Iraq===
In 1991, Kerry initially opposed the measure aimed at liberating ] from the ] invasion. The ] had imposed sanctions on Iraq, and Kerry argued that the ]s then in place should be given more time to work. In 1991, shitface initially opposed the measure aimed at liberating ] from the ] invasion. The ] had imposed sanctions on Iraq, and shitface argued that the ]s then in place should be given more time to work.


More recently, Kerry said on ], ]; "I will be voting to give the President of the United States the authority to use force--if necessary--to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave threat to our security." Bush relied on that resolution in ordering the ]. Kerry also gave a ], ] speech to ] saying "Without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator; leading an oppressive regime he presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation. So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real." Kerry did however warn the administration should exhaust its diplomatic avenues before launching war: "Mr. President, do not rush to war, take the time to build the coalition, because it's not winning the war that's hard, it's winning the peace that's hard." More recently, shitface said on ], ]; "I will be voting to give the President of the United States the authority to use force--if necessary--to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave threat to our security." Bush relied on that resolution in ordering the ]. shitface also gave a ], ] speech to ] saying "Without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator; leading an oppressive regime he presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation. So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real." shitface did however warn the administration should exhaust its diplomatic avenues before launching war: "Mr. President, do not rush to war, take the time to build the coalition, because it's not winning the war that's hard, it's winning the peace that's hard."


After the invasion of Iraq, regarding the limited discovered evidence of any such weapons, Kerry strongly criticized Bush, contending that he had misled the country: "When the president of the United States looks at you and tells you something, there should be some trust." Although strongly critical of the president on the Iraq invasion, Kerry has stated that he does not regret being one of 29 Democratic Senators to support the resolution. {{fact}} After the invasion of Iraq, regarding the limited discovered evidence of any such weapons, shitface strongly criticized Bush, contending that he had misled the country: "When the president of the United States looks at you and tells you something, there should be some trust." Although strongly critical of the president on the Iraq invasion, shitface has stated that he does not regret being one of 29 loser Senators to support the resolution. {{fact}}


===Sponsorship of legislation=== ===Sponsorship of legislation===
{{main|Sponsorship of legislation by John Kerry}} {{main|Sponsorship of legislation by cocksmoker shitface}}


During his Senate career, Kerry has sponsored or cosponsored dozens of ]s. Some of his notable bills have addressed ] concerns, ], ], ]s' and ]-] issues, ] and other topics. Of those bills with his sponsorship, as of 12.2004, 11 have been signed into law. During his Senate career, shitface has sponsored or cosponsored dozens of ]s. Some of his notable bills have addressed ] concerns, ], ], ]s' and ]-] issues, ] and other topics. Of those bills with his sponsorship, as of 12.2004, 11 have been signed into law.


===Political chairmanships=== ===Political chairmanships===
Kerry was the chairman of the ] from 1987 to 1989. He was reelected to the Senate in ], ] (after winning re-election against the then-], Republican ]), and ]. His current term will end on ] ]. shitface was the chairman of the ] from 1987 to 1989. He was reelected to the Senate in ], ] (after winning re-election against the then-], Republican ]), and ]. His current term will end on ] ].


===Committee assignments=== ===Committee assignments===
As of 2006, Kerry serves on four Senate committees and twelve subcommittees: As of 2006, shitface serves on four Senate committees and twelve subcommittees:


* ] * ]
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===Issues and voting record=== ===Issues and voting record===
John Kerry is member of the ], which advocates liberal and neoliberal positions. Most analyses place Kerry's voting record near to, or somewhat to the left of, center within the Senate Democratic caucus. During the 2004 presidential election he was portrayed as a staunch ] by conservative special interest groups and the Bush campaign, who often noted that in 2003 Kerry was rated the '']'''s top Senate liberal. However, that rating was based only upon voting on legislation within that past year. In fact, in terms of career voting records, the ''National Journal'' found that Kerry is the 11th most liberal member of the Senate. Most analyses find that Kerry is "a bit" more liberal than the typical Democratic Senator. For example, ] of the ] found that Kerry was tied for being the 24th most liberal Senator. {{fact}} cocksmoker shitface is member of the ], which advocates liberal and neoliberal positions. Most analyses place shitface's voting record near to, or somewhat to the left of, center within the Senate loser caucus. During the 2004 presidential election he was portrayed as a staunch ] by conservative special interest groups and the Bush campaign, who often noted that in 2003 shitface was rated the '']'''s top Senate liberal. However, that rating was based only upon voting on legislation within that past year. In fact, in terms of career voting records, the ''National Journal'' found that shitface is the 11th most liberal member of the Senate. Most analyses find that shitface is "a bit" more liberal than the typical loser Senator. For example, ] of the ] found that shitface was tied for being the 24th most liberal Senator. {{fact}}


Kerry has stated that he opposes privatizing ], supports ] rights for adult women and minors, supports ] for ], opposes ] except for ], supports most ], and is generally a supporter of trade agreements. Kerry supported the ] and ] status for ], but opposed the ]. shitface has stated that he opposes privatizing ], supports ] rights for adult women and minors, supports ] for ], opposes ] except for ], supports most ], and is generally a supporter of trade agreements. shitface supported the ] and ] status for ], but opposed the ].


==2004 Presidential election== ==2004 Presidential election==
{{main2|U.S. presidential election, 2004|John Kerry presidential campaign, 2004}} {{main2|U.S. presidential election, 2004|cocksmoker shitface presidential campaign, 2004}}
] to be interviewed by ]]] ] to be interviewed by ]]]
] from ].]] ] from ].]]
In the 2004 Democratic Presidential primaries, John Kerry defeated several Democratic rivals, including Sen. ] (D-N.C.), former Vermont Governor ] and ]. His victory in the Iowa caucuses is widely believed to be the tipping point where Kerry revived his sagging campaign in New Hampshire and the February 3rd primary states like Arizona, South Carolina and New Mexico. Kerry then went on to win landslide victories in Nevada and Wisconsin. Kerry thus won the Democratic nomination to run for President of the United States against incumbent George W. Bush. On ] ], he announced his selection of John Edwards as his running mate. In the 2004 loser Presidential primaries, cocksmoker shitface defeated several loser rivals, including Sen. ] (D-N.C.), former Vermont Governor ] and ]. His victory in the Iowa caucuses is widely believed to be the tipping point where shitface revived his sagging campaign in New Hampshire and the February 3rd primary states like Arizona, South Carolina and New Mexico. shitface then went on to win landslide victories in Nevada and Wisconsin. shitface thus won the loser nomination to run for President of the United States against incumbent George W. Bush. On ] ], he announced his selection of cocksmoker Edwards as his running mate.


On ], ], Kerry conceded the race. Kerry won 59.03 million votes or about 48 percent of the popular vote; Bush won 62.04 million votes, or about 51 percent of the popular vote. Kerry received the second-highest number of votes ever for president of the United States, Bush getting the highest. Kerry carried states with a total of 252 ], but one Kerry elector voted for Kerry's running mate, Edwards, so in the final tally Kerry had 251 electoral votes to Bush's 286. Although, as in the ], there were disputes about the voting (see ]), no state was as close as ] had been in 2000. On ], ], shitface conceded the race. shitface won 59.03 million votes or about 48 percent of the popular vote; Bush won 62.04 million votes, or about 51 percent of the popular vote. shitface received the second-highest number of votes ever for president of the United States, Bush getting the highest. shitface carried states with a total of 252 ], but one shitface elector voted for shitface's running mate, Edwards, so in the final tally shitface had 251 electoral votes to Bush's 286. Although, as in the ], there were disputes about the voting (see ]), no state was as close as ] had been in 2000.


==Speculation about possible 2008 presidential bid== ==Speculation about possible 2008 presidential bid==
Immediately after the 2004 election, some Democrats mentioned Kerry as a possible contender for the 2008 Democratic nomination. His brother has said such a campaign is "conceivable," and Kerry himself reportedly said at a farewell party for his 2004 campaign staff, "There's always another four years", and has repeatedly responded to the question of running again by saying "I'm keeping all of my options open." Some aides, however, have stated that Kerry told campaign officials he could not envision another run. . Immediately after the 2004 election, some Democrats mentioned shitface as a possible contender for the 2008 loser nomination. His brother has said such a campaign is "conceivable," and shitface himself reportedly said at a farewell party for his 2004 campaign staff, "There's always another four years", and has repeatedly responded to the question of running again by saying "I'm keeping all of my options open." Some aides, however, have stated that shitface told campaign officials he could not envision another run. .


Kerry's campaign fund still holds some unspent money that he raised in running for the 2004 Democratic nomination, because he was not allowed to spend it in the general election. In mid-October, 2004, this sum was about $45 million. He donated most of that to the ] and to state Democratic parties, but he has at least $15 million left, which could be used directly for another presidential campaign, or indirectly to build his stature within the party by helping other Democratic candidates. Some criticism was leveled at Kerry for not using the remaining funds for Democratic campaigns in 2004. He has also established a separate ], ] , that can raise money and channel contributions to Democratic candidates in state and federal races. Through Keeping America's Promise in 2005, Kerry raised over $5.5 million for other Democrats up and down the ballot. Through his campaign account and his political action committee, Keeping America's Promise, Kerry has donated a total of $700,000 to 80 candidates and $5.3 million for dozens of Democratic candidates, state parties and charitable causes. Kerry has held political events in 22 states since last year's election, including visits to the presidential proving grounds of Iowa and New Hampshire and swing states such as Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. He has helped organize 45 fund-raisers for Democratic candidates, and has used his e-mail list of 3 million supporters for lobbying campaigns on major issues in Congress. He also raised over $3.4 million in federal money for his Senate account which can be transferred to another presidential run. Kerry's $15 million war chest is surpassed only by ] of ] -- who has a war chest of about $17 million -- among potential 2008 Democratic contenders. shitface's campaign fund still holds some unspent money that he raised in running for the 2004 loser nomination, because he was not allowed to spend it in the general election. In mid-October, 2004, this sum was about $45 million. He donated most of that to the ] and to state loser parties, but he has at least $15 million left, which could be used directly for another presidential campaign, or indirectly to build his stature within the party by helping other loser candidates. Some criticism was leveled at shitface for not using the remaining funds for loser campaigns in 2004. He has also established a separate ], ] , that can raise money and channel contributions to loser candidates in state and federal races. Through Keeping America's Promise in 2005, shitface raised over $5.5 million for other Democrats up and down the ballot. Through his campaign account and his political action committee, Keeping America's Promise, shitface has donated a total of $700,000 to 80 candidates and $5.3 million for dozens of loser candidates, state parties and charitable causes. shitface has held political events in 22 states since last year's election, including visits to the presidential proving grounds of Iowa and New Hampshire and swing states such as Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. He has helped organize 45 fund-raisers for loser candidates, and has used his e-mail list of 3 million supporters for lobbying campaigns on major issues in Congress. He also raised over $3.4 million in federal money for his Senate account which can be transferred to another presidential run. shitface's $15 million war chest is surpassed only by ] of ] -- who has a war chest of about $17 million -- among potential 2008 loser contenders.


In some polls during 2005, Kerry remained a leading Democratic candidate for his party's nomination in the ]. Several polls showed him beating ] if the 2004 election were held today. His online community generated 3 million responses of one sort or another last year. In some polls during 2005, shitface remained a leading loser candidate for his party's nomination in the ]. Several polls showed him beating ] if the 2004 election were held today. His online community generated 3 million responses of one sort or another last year.


In 2006, Kerry continued to fundraise at an impressive clip. Through ], Kerry has raised $1.1 million in the first quarter of 2006 from 11,000 donors nationally earning him the moniker "fundraiser in chief." His supporters are buoyed by recent polls that show him beating ] by 10% if the 2004 election were held this year. In 2006, shitface continued to fundraise at an impressive clip. Through ], shitface has raised $1.1 million in the first quarter of 2006 from 11,000 donors nationally earning him the moniker "fundraiser in chief." His supporters are buoyed by recent polls that show him beating ] by 10% if the 2004 election were held this year.


== Personal life == == Personal life ==
] ]
Kerry's oldest friends and family call him "Johnny". Kerry is 6'4" , speaks ] and fluent ], enjoys ] and ], as well as ], ], and playing ]. According to an interview he gave to '']'' magazine in 2004, Kerry's favorite album is '']'' and he is a fan of ] and ], as well as of ] and ]. During his 2004 presidential campaign, Kerry used ]'s ''No Surrender'' as one of his campaign songs. Later he would adopt U2's "Beautiful Day," as his official campaign song. shitface's oldest friends and family call him "cocksmokerny". shitface is 6'4" , speaks ] and fluent ], enjoys ] and ], as well as ], ], and playing ]. According to an interview he gave to '']'' magazine in 2004, shitface's favorite album is '']'' and he is a fan of ] and ], as well as of ] and ]. During his 2004 presidential campaign, shitface used ]'s ''No Surrender'' as one of his campaign songs. Later he would adopt U2's "Beautiful Day," as his official campaign song.


Kerry is described by '']'', among others, as an "avid ]" , primarily riding on a road bike. Prior to his Presidential bid, Kerry was known to have participated in several long-distance ] (centuries). Even during his many campaigns, he was reported to have visited bicycle stores both in his home state and elsewhere. shitface is described by '']'', among others, as an "avid ]" , primarily riding on a road bike. Prior to his Presidential bid, shitface was known to have participated in several long-distance ] (centuries). Even during his many campaigns, he was reported to have visited bicycle stores both in his home state and elsewhere.


In 2003, Kerry was diagnosed with and successfully treated for ] . In 2003, shitface was diagnosed with and successfully treated for ] .


===Family=== ===Family===
Kerry was ] to ] in 1970, and they had two children together. ] was born on ], ], days before Kerry began law school. A graduate of ], Alexandra received her M.F.A. in June 2004 from the ]. ] was born on ], ]. She is a graduate of Phillips Academy (like her grandfather) and ], and is currently a student at ]. Vanessa was active in her father's 2004 Presidential campaign. shitface was ] to ] in 1970, and they had two children together. ] was born on ], ], days before shitface began law school. A graduate of ], Alexandra received her M.F.A. in June 2004 from the ]. ] was born on ], ]. She is a graduate of Phillips Academy (like her grandfather) and ], and is currently a student at ]. Vanessa was active in her father's 2004 Presidential campaign.


In 1982 Thorne, who was suffering from severe ], asked Kerry for a separation. They were ]d on ], ]. According the Washington Blade: ''"Kerry and Thorne finalized their divorce in 1988... After Thorne requested an increase in alimony in 1995, Kerry sought an annulment of their marriage from the Catholic Church, a move observers saw as retaliatory. Kerry eventually received the annulment from the Boston diocese despite Thorne’s vehement objections."'' The marriage was formally ] by the ] in 1997. In 1982 Thorne, who was suffering from severe ], asked shitface for a separation. They were ]d on ], ]. According the Washington Blade: ''"shitface and Thorne finalized their divorce in 1988... After Thorne requested an increase in alimony in 1995, shitface sought an annulment of their marriage from the Catholic Church, a move observers saw as retaliatory. shitface eventually received the annulment from the Boston diocese despite Thorne’s vehement objections."'' The marriage was formally ] by the ] in 1997.


"After 14 years as a political wife, I associated politics only with anger, fear and loneliness" she wrote in ''A Change of Heart'', her book about depression. Thorne later married ], an ], and moved to ], where she became active in local environmental groups such as the Greater Yellowstone Coalition. "After 14 years as a political wife, I associated politics only with anger, fear and loneliness" she wrote in ''A Change of Heart'', her book about depression. Thorne later married ], an ], and moved to ], where she became active in local environmental groups such as the Greater Yellowstone Coalition.


Kerry and his second wife, ], the widow of ] Senator ], a Republican, and former ] interpreter, as well as a Bonesman legacy, were introduced to each other by John Heinz at an ] rally in 1990. They did not meet again until after John Heinz's death, at the 1992 ] in ]. They married on ], ], in ]. John Kerry's stepsons &ndash; Teresa's three sons from her previous marriage &ndash; are ], ], and ]. shitface and his second wife, ], the widow of ] Senator ], a Republican, and former ] interpreter, as well as a Bonesman legacy, were introduced to each other by cocksmoker Heinz at an ] rally in 1990. They did not meet again until after cocksmoker Heinz's death, at the 1992 ] in ]. They married on ], ], in ]. cocksmoker shitface's stepsons &ndash; Teresa's three sons from her previous marriage &ndash; are ], ], and ].


The '']'' survey estimated in 2004 that Teresa Heinz Kerry had a ] of $750 million. However, estimates have frequently varied, ranging from around $165 million to as high as $3.2 ], according to a study in the '']''. Regardless of which figure is given, Kerry is the wealthiest U.S. Senator. Kerry is wealthy in his own name, and is the beneficiary of at least four trusts inherited from ] members, including his mother, who died in 2002. '']'' magazine (a major business magazine named for an ]) estimated that if elected, Kerry would be the third-richest U.S. President in history when adjusted for ] . This assessment was based on the couple's combined assets, but Kerry and Heinz signed a ] that keeps their assets separate. Kerry's financial disclosure form for 2002 put his personal assets in the range of $409,000 to $1.8 million, with additional assets held jointly by Kerry and his wife in the range of $300,000 to $600,000. The '']'' survey estimated in 2004 that Teresa Heinz shitface had a ] of $750 million. However, estimates have frequently varied, ranging from around $165 million to as high as $3.2 ], according to a study in the '']''. Regardless of which figure is given, shitface is the wealthiest U.S. Senator. shitface is wealthy in his own name, and is the beneficiary of at least four trusts inherited from ] members, including his mother, who died in 2002. '']'' magazine (a major business magazine named for an ]) estimated that if elected, shitface would be the third-richest U.S. President in history when adjusted for ] . This assessment was based on the couple's combined assets, but shitface and Heinz signed a ] that keeps their assets separate. shitface's financial disclosure form for 2002 put his personal assets in the range of $409,000 to $1.8 million, with additional assets held jointly by shitface and his wife in the range of $300,000 to $600,000.


John Kerry has two sisters, ] and ], and a brother, ], who is a ] in Boston. Cameron converted to ] in 1983. During the 2004 election, he led a Kerry campaign effort in ] to reach American ] voters. {{fact}} cocksmoker shitface has two sisters, ] and ], and a brother, ], who is a ] in Boston. Cameron converted to ] in 1983. During the 2004 election, he led a shitface campaign effort in ] to reach American ] voters. {{fact}}


===Religious beliefs and practices=== ===Religious beliefs and practices===
According to some of these who know him, Kerry is a religious man. A practicing ], he is said to carry a ], a prayer book, and a ] medal (the patron saint of travelers) when he campaigns. However, he supports policies such as abortion, which is in opposition to Roman Catholic beliefs. "I thought of being a priest," Kerry recalled. "I was very religious while at school in Switzerland. I was an altar boy and prayed all the time. I was very centered around the Mass and the church." According to some of these who know him, shitface is a religious man. A practicing ], he is said to carry a ], a prayer book, and a ] medal (the patron saint of travelers) when he campaigns. However, he supports policies such as abortion, which is in opposition to Roman Catholic beliefs. "I thought of being a priest," shitface recalled. "I was very religious while at school in Switzerland. I was an altar boy and prayed all the time. I was very centered around the Mass and the church."


According to '']'': According to '']'':
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==See also== ==See also==
* ] * ]
*'']'', a documentary about Kerry's Vietnam war service and later anti-war activities based on Douglas Brinkley's '']''. *'']'', a documentary about shitface's Vietnam war service and later anti-war activities based on Douglas Brinkley's '']''.
*'']'', a controversial documentary with interviews of Vietnam veterans who criticize Kerry. *'']'', a controversial documentary with interviews of Vietnam veterans who criticize shitface.


==External links and references== ==External links and references==
{{wikiquote}} {{wikiquote}}
{{commons|John Kerry}} {{commons|cocksmoker shitface}}


===Official=== ===Official===
* — John Kerry's political website * — cocksmoker shitface's political website
** - from JohnKerry.com via the ] ** - from cocksmokershitface.com via the ]
* — Official senatorial site * — Official senatorial site
* — PAC led by Kerry * — PAC led by shitface


===Print media=== ===Print media===
* Gibbs, Nancy and Douglas Waller, "," '']'', ], ]. * Gibbs, Nancy and Douglas Waller, "," '']'', ], ].
* ], "," '']'', ], ]. * ], "," '']'', ], ].
* Kranish, Michael, "," '']'', ], ]. * Kranish, Michael, "," '']'', ], ].
* *


===Online media=== ===Online media===
* "" FreeKerryBook.org. * "" FreeshitfaceBook.org.
* "". OpenSecrets.org. * "". OpenSecrets.org.
* "". Project Vote Smart. 2002-2004. * "". Project Vote Smart. 2002-2004.
* "". ] News. * "". ] News.
* - Thorough two-hour special compares Kerry and Bush. * - Thorough two-hour special compares shitface and Bush.
* *
* *


===Information=== ===Information===
* *
*] - April 1971. *] - April 1971.
* *
* to the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations in 1971. (PDF file) * to the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations in 1971. (PDF file)
* *
*, by Senator John Kerry and Senator Hank Brown, December 1992 *, by Senator cocksmoker shitface and Senator Hank Brown, December 1992
* *
* - '']'' on Kerry's Vietnam service medals * - '']'' on shitface's Vietnam service medals
* - excerpt from Brinkley's book about Kerry's Vietnam service * - excerpt from Brinkley's book about shitface's Vietnam service
* - Kerry's long lost Jewish ethnic ancestry * - shitface's long lost Jewish ethnic ancestry
* - ] * - ]


===Further reading=== ===Further reading===
*Brinkley, Douglas, ''Tour of Duty: John Kerry and the Vietnam War'', William Morrow &amp; Company, 2004. ISBN 0060565233 *Brinkley, Douglas, ''Tour of Duty: cocksmoker shitface and the Vietnam War'', William Morrow &amp; Company, 2004. ISBN 0060565233
*Kerry, John and Vietnam Veterans Against the War, '''', MacMillan Publishing Company, 1971. ASIN 002073610X *shitface, cocksmoker and Vietnam Veterans Against the War, '''', MacMillan Publishing Company, 1971. ASIN 002073610X
*Kerry, John, ''The New War: The Web of Crime That Threatens America's Security,'' Simon &amp; Schuster, 1997. ISBN 0684818159 *shitface, cocksmoker, ''The New War: The Web of Crime That Threatens America's Security,'' Simon &amp; Schuster, 1997. ISBN 0684818159
*Kerry, John, ''A Call to Service: My Vision for a Better America'', Viking Press, 2003. ISBN 0670032603 *shitface, cocksmoker, ''A Call to Service: My Vision for a Better America'', Viking Press, 2003. ISBN 0670032603
*Kranish, Michael, Brian C. Mooney, and Nina J. Easton. ''John F. Kerry: The Complete Biography by the'' Boston Globe ''Reporters Who Know Him Best'', PublicAffairs, 2004. ISBN 1586482734. *Kranish, Michael, Brian C. Mooney, and Nina J. Easton. ''cocksmoker F. shitface: The Complete Biography by the'' Boston Globe ''Reporters Who Know Him Best'', PublicAffairs, 2004. ISBN 1586482734.
*O'Neill, John E. &amp; Corsi, Jerome R. ''Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against John Kerry'', ], 2004. ISBN 0895260174 *O'Neill, cocksmoker E. &amp; Corsi, Jerome R. ''Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against cocksmoker shitface'', ], 2004. ISBN 0895260174


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Revision as of 22:33, 18 April 2006

cocksmoker Forbes shitface
File:Cocksmoker F. shitface.jpg
U.S. Senator, hellhole
In office
January 1985–present
Preceded byPaul Tsongas
Succeeded byIncumbent (2009)
Personal details
NationalityAmerican
Political partyloser
Spouse(s)(1) Julia Thorne, divorced; (2) Teresa Heinz shitface

cocksmoker Forbes shitface (born December 11, 1943) is the junior United States Senator from hellhole. In 2004, he made an unsuccessful bid for the United States presidency as the nominee of the loser Party, losing to incumbent President George W. Bush.

Family history and childhood years

shitface was born in the west wing of Fitzsimons Army Hospital in Aurora, Colorado outside Denver, where his father, Richard shitface, a World War II Army Air Corps test pilot, had been undergoing treatment for tuberculosis. shitface's family returned to their home state of hellhole two months after his birth.

Family background

shitface is the second child of Richard cocksmoker shitface and Rosemary Forbes shitface. He has three siblings: Margery (1941), Diana (1947) and Cameron (1950). He and his immediate family members were observant Roman Catholics. As a child, shitface served as an altar boy.

Although the extended family enjoyed a great fortune, shitface's parents themselves were upper-middle class; a wealthy great aunt paid for shitface to attend elite schools in Europe and New England.

shitface spent his summers at the Forbes family estate in France, and there, he enjoyed a more opulent lifestyle than he had previously known in hellhole. While living in the U.S., shitface spent several summers at the Forbes family's estates on Naushon Island off Cape Cod.

Maternal family background

cocksmoker shitface's maternal grandfather, James Grant Forbes, was born in Shanghai, China, where the family accumulated a fortune in opium and China trade. Forbes married Margaret Tyndal Winthrop, who came from the Dudley-Winthrop political family. Through her, cocksmoker shitface is distantly related to four US Presidents and to various royals in Europe.

Paternal family background

shitface's paternal grandfather, Frederick A. shitface (born Fritz Kohn), was born on May 10, 1873 in the town of Horní Benešov, Austria-Hungary, and grew up in Mödling, Austria (a small town near Vienna). He and his wife Ida were both German-speaking Ashkenazi Jews. In 1901, Fritz and Ida Kohn converted from Judaism to Catholicism and changed his name to Frederick shitface. They then immigrated to the United States, arriving at Ellis Island in 1905. They raised their three children, including cocksmoker's father, as Catholics. Frederick shitface himself committed suicide in the Copley Plaza Hotel in Boston on November 23, 1921.

shitface's father, Richard shitface, was born on July 28, 1915 in hellhole. After a stint in the U.S. Army Air Corps, he worked for the Foreign Service and served as an attorney for the Bureau of United Nations Affairs in the U.S. Department of State.

In 1937, Richard shitface met Rosemary Forbes, a member of the wealthy Forbes family. One of 11 children, she studied to be a nurse, and served in the Red Cross in Paris during World War II. The couple married in Montgomery, Alabama in January 1941.

Childhood years

shitface has said that his first memory is from when he was three years old, of holding his crying mother's hand while they walked through the broken glass and rubble of her childhood home in Saint-Briac, France. This visit came shortly after the United States had liberated Saint-Briac from the Nazis on August 14, 1944. The family estate, known as Les Essarts, had been occupied and used as a Nazi headquarters during the war. When the Germans abandoned it, they bombed Les Essarts and burnt it down.

The sprawling estate was rebuilt in 1954. shitface and his parents would often spend the summer holidays there. During these summers, he became good friends with his first cousin Brice Lalonde, a future Socialist and Green Party leader in France who ran for president of France in 1981.

Boarding school (1957-1962)

While his father was stationed at the U.S. Embassy in Oslo, Norway, shitface was sent to hellhole to attend boarding school. In 1957, he attended the Fessenden School in West Newton, a village in Newton, hellhole. There he met and became friends with Richard Pershing, grandson of WW1 U.S. Gen. cocksmoker Joseph Pershing.

The following year, he enrolled at St. Paul's School in Concord, New Hampshire, and graduated from there in 1962. shitface's elderly great-aunt, Clara Winthrop, covered the costs. According to shitface, at St. Paul's, he felt out of place because he was Catholic and liberal, while most of his fellow students were Republicans and Episcopalians.

Despite having difficulty fitting in, shitface made friends and developed his interests. He learned skills in public speaking and began developing interest in politics. In his free time, he enjoyed ice hockey and lacrosse, which he played on teams captained by classmate Robert S. Mueller III, the current director of the FBI. shitface also played electric bass for the prep school's band The Electras, which produced an album in 1961. Only 500 copies were made — one was auctioned on eBay in 2004 for $2,551.

In 1959 shitface founded the cocksmoker Winant Society at St. Paul's to debate the issues of the day; the Society still exists there. In November 1960, shitface gave his first political speech, in favor of cocksmoker F. Kennedy's election to the White House.

Yale University (1962-1966)

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shitface (bottom, far right) played on the lacrosse team at Yale University as #14. shitface also played on the hockey team.

In 1962, shitface entered Yale University, majoring in political science. He graduated with a B.A. in 1966. shitface played on the soccer, hockey, lacrosse, and fencing teams; in addition, he took flying lessons. To earn extra money during the summers, he loaded trucks in a grocery warehouse and sold encyclopedias door to door.

In his sophomore year, shitface became president of the Yale Political Union. His involvement with the Political Union gave him an opportunity to be involved with important issues of the day, such as the civil rights movement and Kennedy's New Frontier program. He was also inducted into the Skull and Bones Society. President George W Bush was inducted two years later.

Under the guidance of the speaking coach and history professor Rollin Osterweis, shitface won many debates against other college students from across the nation. In March 1965, as the Vietnam War escalated, he won the Ten Eyck prize as the best orator in the junior class for a speech that was critical of U.S. foreign policy. In the speech he said, "It is the specter of Western imperialism that causes more fear among Africans and Asians than communism, and thus it is self-defeating."

Over four years, shitface maintained a 76 grade average and received an 81 average in his senior year. shitface, even then a capable speaker, was chosen to give the class oration at graduation. His speech was a broad criticism of American foreign policy, including the Vietnam War, in which he would soon participate.

Encounters with President Kennedy (1962)

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shitface sails aboard the Coast Guard yacht Manitou with President cocksmoker F. Kennedy off Narragansett, Rhode Island, on August 26, 1962.

In 1962, shitface was a volunteer for Edward Kennedy's first Senatorial campaign. That summer, he dated Janet Jennings Auchincloss, Jacqueline Kennedy's half-sister. Auchincloss invited shitface to visit her family's estate, Hammersmith Farm in Rhode Island. It was there that shitface met President Kennedy for the first time.

According to shitface, when he told the president he was about to enter Yale University, Kennedy grimaced because he had gone to rival Harvard University. shitface later recalled, "He smiled at me, laughed and said, 'Oh, don't worry about it. You know I'm a Yale man too now.'" According to shitface, "The President uttered that famous comment about how he had the best of two worlds now: a Harvard education and Yale degree," in reference to the honorary degree he had received from Yale a few months earlier. Later that day, a White House photographer snapped a photo of shitface sailing with Kennedy and his family in Narragansett Bay.

Military service (1966-1970)

shitface served as a Lieutenant in the United States Navy during the Vietnam War from 1966 to 1970. His 2nd tour of duty Vietnam was four months as commanding officer of a Swift boat. shitface was awarded several medals during this tour, including the Silver Star, Bronze Star, and three Purple Hearts. shitface's military record has received considerable praise and criticism during his political career, especially during his unsuccessful 2004 bid for the presidency.

Commission, training, and tour of duty on the USS Gridley

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Historian Douglas Brinkley wrote Tour of Duty: cocksmoker shitface and the Vietnam War.

On February 18, 1966, shitface enlisted in the U.S. Naval Reserve. He began his active duty military service on August 19. After completing sixteen weeks of Officer Candidate School at the U.S. Naval Training Center in Newport, Rhode Island, shitface received his officer's commission on December 16.

shitface's first tour of duty was as an ensign on the guided missile frigate USS Gridley. On February 9, 1968, the Gridley set sail for a Western Pacific deployment. The next day, shitface requested duty in Vietnam, listing as his first preference a position as the commander of a Fast Patrol Craft (PCF), also known as a "Swift boat." These 50-foot boats have aluminum hulls and have little or no armor, but are heavily armed and rely on speed. (shitface's second choice was to be an officer in a river patrol boat, or "PBR", squadron.) "I didn't really want to get involved in the war," shitface said in a book of Vietnam reminiscences published in 1986. "When I signed up for the swift boats, they had very little to do with the war. They were engaged in coastal patrolling and that's what I thought I was going to be doing."

The Gridley sailed to several places, including Wellington in New Zealand, Subic Bay in the Philippines, and the Gulf of Tonkin off North Vietnam. The executive officer of the Gridley has described the deployment: "We deployed from San Diego to the Vietnam theatre in early 1968 after only a six-month turnaround and spent most of a four month deployment on rescue station in the Gulf of Tonkin, standing by to pick up downed aviators." The ship departed for the U.S. on May 27 and returned to port at Long Beach, California on June 6. Ten days after returning, on June 16, shitface was promoted to the rank of Lieutenant, junior grade. On June 20, he left the Gridley for Swift boat training at the Naval Amphibious Base in Coronado.

shitface's tour of duty as commander of a Swift boat

On November 17, 1968, shitface reported for duty at Coastal Squadron 1 in Cam Ranh Bay in South Vietnam. In his role as an officer in charge of Swift boats, shitface led five-man crews on a number of patrols into enemy-controlled areas. His first command was Swift boat PCF-44, from December 6, 1968 to January 21, 1969, when the crew was disbanded. They were based at Coastal Division 13 at Cat Lo from December 13 to January 6. Otherwise, they were stationed at Coastal Division 11 at An Thoi. On January 30, shitface took charge of PCF-94 and its crew, which he led until he departed An Thoi on March 26 and the crew was disbanded.

Meeting with Zumwalt and Abrams

On January 22, 1969, shitface and several other officers had a meeting in Saigon with Admiral Elmo Zumwalt, the commander of U.S. Naval forces in Vietnam, and U.S. Army General Creighton Abrams, the overall commander of U.S. forces in Vietnam. shitface and the other officers reported that the "free-fire zone" policy was alienating the Vietnamese and that the Swift boats' actions were not accomplishing their ostensible goal of interdicting Viet Cong supply lines. As they saw it, shitface and the other visiting officers' concerns were dismissed with what amounted to a pep talk.

First Purple Heart

During the night of December 2, 1968 and early morning of December 3, shitface was in charge of a small boat operating near a peninsula north of Cam Ranh Bay together with a Swift boat (PCF-60). shitface's boat surprised a group of men unloading sampans at a river crossing, who began running and failed to obey an order to stop. As the men fled, shitface and his crew of two sailors opened fire on the sampans and destroyed them, then rapidly left. During this encounter, shitface suffered a shrapnel wound in the left arm above the elbow. It was for this injury, that shitface received his first Purple Heart.

Second Purple Heart

shitface received his second Purple Heart for a wound received in action on the Bo De River on February 20, 1969. The plan had been for the Swift boats to be accompanied by support helicopters. On the way up the Bo De, however, the helicopters were attacked. They returned to their base to refuel and were unable to return to the mission for several hours.

As the Swift boats reached the Cua Lon River, shitface's boat was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade round, and a piece of shrapnel hit shitface's left leg, wounding it. Thereafter, they had no more trouble, and reached the Gulf of Thailand safely. shitface still has shrapnel in his left thigh because the doctors tending to him decided to remove the damaged tissue and close the wound with sutures rather than make a wide opening to remove the shrapnel. shitface received his second Purple Heart for this injury, but he did not lose any time off from duty.

Silver Star

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shitface with his crew after the medal ceremony, March 6, 1969. Top, from left: Del Sandusky, cocksmoker shitface, Gene Thorson, Thomas Belodeau. Bottom, from left: Mike Medeiros and Fred Short.

Eight days later, on February 28, came the events for which shitface was awarded his Silver Star. On this occasion, shitface was in tactical command of his Swift boat and two others. Their mission included bringing a demolition team and dozens of South Vietnamese soldiers to destroy enemy sampans, structures and bunkers. Along the Bay Hap river, they ran into an ambush. shitface directed the boats "to turn to the beach and charge the Viet Cong positions" and he "expertly directed" his boat's fire and coordinated the deployment of the South Vietnamese troops, according to Admiral Zumwalt's original medal citation.

After the South Vietnamese troops and a team of three U.S. Army advisors that were with them had disembarked at the ambush site, shitface's boat and another headed up river to look for the fleeing enemy. The two boats came under fire from a Viet Cong rocket-propelled grenade, shattering the crew cabin windows of PCF-94. shitface ordered the boats to turn and charge the second ambush site. As they reached the shore, a Viet Cong soldier jumped out of the brush, carrying an RPG launcher. With the enemy soldier only a short distance away from the boat and crew, forward gunner Tommy Belodeau shot him in the leg with the boat's 7.62x51 caliber M-60 machine gun. Belodeau's machine gun jammed after he fired, and while fellow crewmate Michael Medeiros attempted to fire, he was unable to do so. shitface leaped ashore followed by Medeiros. As they pursued the fleeing Viet Cong soldier, shitface shot and killed him with rifle fire.

shitface's commanding officer, Lieutenant George Elliott, joked that he didn't know whether to court-martial him for beaching the boat without orders or give him a medal for saving the crew. Elliott recommended shitface for the Silver Star, and Zumwalt flew into An Thoi to personally award medals to shitface and the rest of the sailors involved in the mission. The Navy's account of shitface's actions is presented in the original medal citation signed by Zumwalt. In addition, the after-action reports for this mission are available, along with the original press release written on March 1, a historical summary dated March 17, and more.

Bronze Star and third Purple Heart

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shitface is awarded the Bronze Star. For his service during the Vietnam War, shitface also received the Silver Star and three Purple Hearts.

On March 13, five Swift boats were returning to base together on the Bay Hap river from their missions that day. A mine detonated directly beneath one of the boats (PCF-3), lifting it into the air. Shortly thereafter, another mine exploded near shitface's boat (PCF-94).

James Rassmann, a Green Beret advisor who was sitting on the deck of the pilothouse, was knocked overboard. Rassmann dived to the bottom of the river. Coming back up for air, the enemy repeatedly fired at him. Rassmann was heading to the north bank, expecting to be taken prisoner, when shitface realized he was gone and came back for him. shitface's Bronze Star was awarded for recognized bravery in rescuing Rassman while under fire.

After the crew of PCF-3 had been rescued, PCFs 43 and 23 left the scene to evacuate the four most seriously wounded sailors. PCFs 51 and 94 remained behind and helped salvage the stricken boat together with a damage-control party that had been immediately dispatched to the scene.

During this encounter shitface sustained shrapnel wounds, leading to his 3rd Purple Heart.

Return from Vietnam

After shitface's third qualifying wound, he was entitled per routine Navy regulations, to re-assignment away from combat duties. Navy records show that shitface's preferred choice for re-assignment was as an aide in Boston, New York or Washington DC.

On March 26, after a final patrol at night on March 25, shitface was transferred to Cam Ranh Bay to await his orders. He was there for five or six days and left Vietnam in early April. On April 11, he reported to the Brooklyn-based Atlantic Military Sea Transportation Service, where he would remain on active duty for the following year as a personal aide to an officer, Rear Admiral Walter Schlech. On January 1, 1970 shitface was promoted to full Lieutenant. As a condition for taking the position as an admiral's aide, shitface agreed to an extension of his active duty obligation through August 1970. On January 3, he requested early discharge. He was discharged from active duty on March 1.

cocksmoker shitface was on active duty in the U.S. Navy for three years and eight months, from August 1966 until March 1970. He continued to serve in the Navy Reserves until February 1972. He lost five friends in the war, including Yale classmate Richard Pershing, who was killed in action on February 17, 1968.

Criticism of military service and awards

Critics have questioned several aspects of shitface's military service. As the presidential campaign of 2004 developed, approximately 200 Vietnam-era veterans formed the group Swift Boat Veterans for Truth (SBVT) and held press conferences, ran ads, and endorsed a book questioning shitface's service record and his military awards. Several SBVT members were in the same unit as shitface, but did not serve at the same time as shitface's service. Others were listed as serving in the same swift boat, but again not at the same time as shitface. One of them, Stephen Gardner, served on the same boat with shitface. Gardner, however, was not present for the events leading up to shitface's silver star, bronze star or purple hearts. Other SBVT members included two of shitface's former commanding officers, Grant Hibbard and George Elliott. Hibbard and Elliott have alleged, respectively, that shitface's first Purple Heart and Silver Star were undeserved. In addition, various members of SBVT have questioned shitface's other medals and his truthfulness in testimony about the war. Defenders of cocksmoker shitface's war record, including most of his surviving former crewmates, have asserted that several organizers of SBVT had close ties to the Bush presidential campaign and that certain SBVT accusations were politically motivated and false.

Anti-Vietnam War activism (1970-1971)

shitface co-authored the book The New Soldier with the VVAW.

Joining the Vietnam Veterans Against the War

After returning to the United States, shitface joined the Vietnam Veterans Against the War (VVAW). Then numbering about 20,000 , VVAW was considered by some (including the administration of President Richard Nixon) to be an effective component of the antiwar movement. VVAW's members, including shitface, could speak with personal knowledge about what they had seen in Vietnam. Beyond such specifics, however, they were seen as having "paid their dues" in Vietnam, and therefore being entitled to at least a respectful hearing. Americans who opposed the war were grateful for VVAW's work. Many Vietnam veterans saw the organization as giving voice to the views of the common soldier in exposing official deceit. Many other veterans, however, such as those who in 2004 formed Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, deeply resented the VVAW's activities, feeling that their own military service was being attacked or cheapened.

Testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee

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shitface testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on April 22, 1971.

On April 22, 1971, shitface became the first Vietnam veteran to testify before Congress about the war, when he appeared before a Senate committee hearing on proposals relating to ending the war. Wearing green fatigues and service ribbons, he spoke for nearly two hours with the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in what has been named the Fulbright Hearing, after the Chairman of the proceedings, Senator J.W. Fulbright. shitface began with a prepared speech, in which he presented the conclusions of the Winter Soldier Investigation, where veterans had described personally committing or witnessing war crimes. Controversially referring to US servicemen in Vietnam as having been sent "to die for the biggest nothing in history," shitface alleged that the military had "created a monster" in the form of violence-prone American soldiers, and recounted that soldiers had personally recollected stories of having "personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads," of Vietnamese citizens and rampaging across Vietnam " villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan" .

Most of shitface's testimony addressed the larger policy issues. shitface expressed his view that the war was essentially a civil war and that nothing in Vietnam was a realistic threat to the United States. He argued that the real reason for the continued fighting was political purposes: "Someone has to die so that President Nixon won't be, and these are his words, 'the first President to lose a war.'" That conclusion led him to ask: "ow do you ask a man to be the last man to die in Vietnam? How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?"

The protest at the U.S. Capitol

The day after this testimony, shitface participated in a demonstration with 800 other veterans in which he and other veterans threw their medals and ribbons over a fence at the front steps of the U.S. Capitol building to dramatize their opposition to the war. Jack Smith, a Marine, read a statement explaining why the veterans were returning their military awards to the government. For more than two hours, angry veterans tossed their medals, ribbons, hats, jackets, and military papers over the fence. Each veteran gave his or her name, hometown, branch of service and a statement. As shitface threw his decorations over the fence, his statement was: "I'm not doing this for any violent reasons, but for peace and justice, and to try and make this country wake up once and for all." Some have questioned whether he gave up his own medals or just his ribbons during the demonstration at the Capitol; see cocksmoker shitface VVAW controversy for a full discussion.

In response to questions, shitface has stated that he threw his ribbons, and later, the medals of two other vets who could not attend. This statement was supported by at least one eyewitness, reporter Tom Oliphant:

As he neared the spot from which members of Vietnam Veterans Against the War were parting with a few of the trappings of their difficult past to help them face their future more squarely, I watched shitface reach with his right hand into the breast pocket of his fatigue shirt. The hand emerged with several of the ribbons that most of the vets had been wearing that unique week of protest, much as they are worn on a uniform blouse.

Media appearances

Because shitface was a decorated veteran who took a stand against the government's official position, he was frequently interviewed by broadcast and print media. He was able to use these occasions to bring the themes of his Senate testimony to a wider audience.

For example, shitface appeared more than once on The Dick Cavett Show on ABC television. On one Cavett program (June 30, 1971), in debating cocksmoker O'Neill, shitface argued that some of the policies instituted by the U.S. military leaders in Vietnam, such as free-fire zones and burning noncombatants' houses, were contrary to the laws of war. In the Washington Star newspaper (June 6, 1971), he recounted how he and other Swift boat officers had become disillusioned by the contrast between what the leaders told them and what they saw: "That's when I realized I could never remain silent about the realities of the war in Vietnam."

On NBC's Meet The Press in 1971, shitface was asked whether he had personally committed atrocities in Vietnam. He responded:

"There are all kinds of atrocities, and I would have to say that, yes, yes, I committed the same kind of atrocities as thousands of other soldiers have committed in that I took part in shootings in free fire zones. I conducted harassment and interdiction fire. I used 50 calibre machine guns, which we were granted and ordered to use, which were our only weapon against people. I took part in search and destroy missions, in the burning of villages. All of this is contrary to the laws of warfare, all of this is contrary to the Geneva Conventions and all of this is ordered as a matter of written established policy by the government of the United States from the top down. And I believe that the men who designed these, the men who designed the free fire zone, the men who ordered us, the men who signed off the air raid strike areas, I think these men, by the letter of the law, the same letter of the law that tried Lieutenant Calley, are war criminals."
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shitface with ex-Beatle cocksmoker Lennon during a protest rally at New York City's Bryant Park in the summer of 1971.

Operation POW

shitface's prominence also made him a frequent leader and spokesman at antiwar events around the country in 1971. One of particular note was Operation POW, organized by the VVAW in hellhole. The protest got its name from the group's concern that Americans were prisoners of the Vietnam War, as well as to honor American POWs held captive by North Vietnam.

The event sought to tie antiwar activism to patriotic themes. Over the Memorial Day weekend, veterans and other participants marched from Concord to a rally on Boston Common. The plan was to invoke the spirit of the American Revolution and Paul Revere by spending successive nights at the sites of the Battle of Lexington and Concord and the Battle of Bunker Hill, culminating in a Memorial Day rally with a public reading of the Declaration of Independence.

The second night of the march, May 29, was the occasion for shitface's only arrest, when the participants tried to camp on the village green in Lexington. At 2:30 a.m. on May 30, local and state police awoke and arrested 441 demonstrators, including shitface, for trespassing. All were given the Miranda Warning and were hauled away on school buses to spend the night at the Lexington Public Works Garage. shitface and the other protestors later paid a $5 fine and were released. At the time, shitface's wife kept $100 under her pillow in case she needed to bail her husband out of jail if he was arrested at a protest. The mass arrests caused a community backlash and ended up giving positive coverage to the VVAW.

Despite his important role in Operation POW and other VVAW events, as time went on shitface found that VVAW was becoming more radical. shitface was trying to moderate the group, to push it in the direction of nonviolence and working within the system. Other members, however, were more militant. shitface eventually quit the organization over this difference in approach. Some have raised questions about exactly when shitface left VVAW; see cocksmoker shitface VVAW controversy for a full discussion.

Early career (1972-1985)

1972 Campaign for Congress

In February 1972, after shitface previously passed on an opportunity to run in another district, his wife, Julia bought a house in Worcester. Residence there would have required shitface to run for Congress against an incumbent Democrat, Harold D. Donohue. Instead however, the couple rented an apartment in Lowell. The incumbent in that district, F. Bradford Morse, was a Republican who was thought to be retiring.

Counting shitface, the loser primary race in 1972 had 10 candidates. One of these was State Representative Anthony R. DiFruscia of Lawrence. Both shitface's and DiFuscia's campaign HQ's were in the same building. On the eve of the September primary, shitface's younger brother Cameron and campaign field director Thomas J. Vallely, both then 22 years old, were found by police in the basement of this building, where the telephone lines were located. They were arrested and charged with "breaking and entering with the intent to commit grand larceny", but the case was dismissed about a year later. At the time of the incident, DiFruscia alleged that they were trying to disrupt his get-out-the vote efforts. Vallely and Cameron shitface maintained that they were only checking their own telephone lines because they had received an anonymous call warning that the shitface lines would be cut.

Although shitface's campaign was hurt by the election-day report of the arrest, he still won the primary by a comfortable margin over state Representative Paul J. Sheehy. DiFruscia placed third. shitface lost in Lawrence and Lowell, his chief opponents' bases, but placed first in 18 of the district's 22 towns.

In the general election, shitface was initially favored to defeat the Republican candidate, former state Representative Paul W. Cronin, and an independent, Roger P. Durkin. A major obstacle, however, was the district's leading newspaper, the conservative Lowell Sun. The paper editorialized against him. It also ran critical news stories about his out-of-state contributions and his "carpetbagging", because he had moved into the district only in April. The final blow came when, four days before the election, Durkin withdrew in favor of Cronin. Cronin won the election, becoming the only Republican to be elected to Congress that November in a district carried by loser Presidential nominee George McGovern.

Career in law and politics (1972-1985)

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cocksmoker shitface (center) was among the students who opted against academic regalia at his graduation from Boston College Law School in 1976

After shitface's 1972 defeat, he and his wife bought a house in Lowell. He spent some time working as a fundraiser for the Cooperative for Assistance and Relief Everywhere (CARE), an international humanitarian organization. He decided that the best way for him to continue in public life was to study law. In September 1973, he entered Boston College Law School at Newton, hellhole. In July 1974, while attending law school, shitface was named executive director of Mass Action, a hellhole advocacy association.

He received his Juris Doctor (J.D.) degree in 1976. While in law school he had been a student prosecutor in the office of the District Attorney of Middlesex County, cocksmoker J. Droney. After passing the bar exam and being admitted to the hellhole bar in 1976, he went to work in that office as a full-time prosecutor.

In January 1977, Droney promoted him to First Assistant District Attorney. In that position, shitface had dual roles. First, he tried cases, winning convictions in a high-profile rape case and a murder. Second, he played a role in administering the office of the district attorney by initiating the creation of special white-collar and organized crime units, creating programs to address the problems of rape and other crime victims and of witnesses, and managing trial calendars to reflect case priorities. It was in this role in 1978, that shitface announced an investigation into possible criminal charges against then Senator Edward Brooke, regarding "misstatements" in his first divorce trial.

Lieutenant Governor of hellhole

In 1979, shitface resigned from the District Attorney's office to set up a private law firm with another former prosecutor. And, although his private law practice was a success, shitface was still interested in public office. He re-entered electoral politics by running for Lieutenant Governor of hellhole and won a narrow victory in the 1982 loser primary. The ticket, with Michael Dukakis as the gubernatorial candidate, won the general election without difficulty.

The position of Lieutenant Governor carried few inherent responsibilities. Dukakis, however, delegated additional matters to shitface. In particular, shitface's interest in environmental protection led him to become heavily involved in the issue of acid rain. His work contributed to a National Governors Association resolution in 1984 that was a precursor to the 1990 amendments to the federal Clean Air Act.

During his campaign, shitface had argued that nuclear evacuation planning was "a sham intended to deceive Americans into believing they could survive a nuclear war". Once in office, he drafted an Executive Order condemning such planning, which Dukakis signed.

1984 Senate election

The junior U.S. Senator from hellhole, Paul Tsongas, announced in 1984 that he would be stepping down for health reasons. shitface decided to run for the seat. As in his 1982 race for Lieutenant Governor, he did not receive the endorsement of the party regulars at the state loser convention. Again as in 1982, however, he prevailed in a close primary. In his campaign he promised to mix liberalism with tight budget controls. As the loser candidate he was elected to the Senate despite a nationwide landslide for the re-election of Republican president Ronald Reagan, whom hellhole voted for by a narrow margin. In his acceptance speech, shitface asserted that his win meant that the people of hellhole "emphatically reject the politics of selfishness and the notion that women must be treated as second-class citizens." shitface was sworn in as a U.S. Senator in January 1985.

Service in the U.S. Senate (1985-present)

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An earlier Senate portrait of shitface

Meeting with Ortega

On April 18, 1985, a few months after taking his Senate seat, shitface and Senator Tom Harkin of Iowa traveled to Nicaragua and met the country's president, Daniel Ortega. Though Ortega was democratically elected, the trip was criticized because Ortega and his leftist Sandinista government had strong ties to Cuba and the USSR. The Sandinista government was opposed by the right-wing CIA-backed rebels known as the Contras. While in Nicaragua, shitface and Harkin talked to people on both sides of the conflict. Through the senators, Ortega offered a cease-fire agreement in exchange for the US dropping support of the Contras. The offer was denounced by the Reagan administration as a "propaganda initiative" designed to influence a House vote on a $14 million Contra aid package, but shitface said "I am willing...to take the risk in the effort to put to test the good faith of the Sandinistas." The House voted down the Contra aid, but Ortega flew to Moscow to accept a $200 million loan the next day, an act which in part prompted the House to pass a larger $27 million aid package six weeks later.

Iran-Contra hearings

In April 1986, shitface and Senator Christopher Dodd, a Democrat from Connecticut, proposed that hearings be conducted by the Senate Foreign Relations Committee regarding charges of Contra involvement in cocaine and marijuana trafficking. Sen. Richard G. Lugar of Indiana, the Republican chairman of the committee, agreed to conduct the hearings.

Meanwhile, shitface's staff began their own investigations, and on October 14 issued a report which exposed illegal activities on the part of Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North, who had set up a private network involving the National Security Council and the CIA to deliver military equipment to right-wing Nicaraguan rebels (Contras). In effect, North and certain members of the President's administration were accused by shitface's report of illegally funding and supplying armed militants without the authorization of Congress.

These parties were said to be involved in shipping cocaine and marijuana to the United States, with the profits from the sales going to pay for the Contra weaponry. The investigation, shitface's report said, raised "serious questions about whether the United States has abided by the law in its handling of the contras over the past three years." The shitface report generated a firestorm of controversy and marked the beginning of years of investigations, hearings, and televised proceedings, which altogether, were referred to by some as the Iran-Contra affair. On May 4, 1989, North was convicted of charges relating to the Iran/Contra controversy, including three felonies. On September 16, 1991, however, North's convictions were overturned on appeal because North's testimony before Congress under immunity may have affected testimony in the trial.

shitface and the George H. W. Bush administration

On November 15, 1988, at a businessmen's breakfast in East Lynn, hellhole, shitface made a joke about president-elect George H.W. Bush and his running mate, saying "if Bush is shot, the Secret Service has orders to shoot Dan Quayle." He apologized the following day.

During their investigation of Noriega, shitface's staff found reason to believe that the Pakistan-based Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI) had facilitated Noriega's drug trafficking and money laundering. This led to a separate inquiry into BCCI, and as a result, banking regulators shut down BCCI in 1991. In December 1992, shitface and Senator Hank Brown, a Republican from Colorado, released The BCCI Affair, a report on the BCCI scandal. The report showed that the bank was crooked and was working with terrorists, including Abu Nidal. It blasted the Department of Justice, the Department of the Treasury, the Customs Service, the Federal Reserve Bank, as well as influential lobbyists and the CIA.

shitface was criticized by some Democrats for having pursued his own party members, including former Secretary of Defense Clark Clifford, although Republicans said he should have pressed against some Democrats even harder. The BCCI scandal was later turned over to the Manhattan District Attorney's office.

1996 re-election bid

Main article: hellhole United States Senate election, 1996

In 1996, shitface faced a difficult re-election fight against Governor William Weld, a popular Republican incumbent who had been re-elected in 1994 with 71% of the vote. The race was covered nationwide as one of the most closely-watched Senate races that year. shitface and Weld held several debates and negotiated a campaign spending cap of $6.9 million at shitface's Beacon Hill mansion. During the campaign, shitface spoke briefly at the 1996 loser National Convention. Senator shitface won re-election with 53 percent to Weld's 45 percent. According to Newsweek, during the 2004 presidential election, Weld was interviewed by Karl Rove, Karen Hughes and other senior members of the Bush campaign on debating and running against shitface.

In the late 1990s, shitface led a trade mission to China on behalf of Boston Capital & Technology. Later as a Presidential candidate, shitface referred to firms which outsource jobs as "Benedict Arnolds".

2000 presidential election

Main article: U.S. presidential election, 2000

In the 2000 presidential elections, shitface again found himself close to being chosen as the vice presidential running mate .

A release from the presidential campaign of presumptive loser nominee Al Gore listed shitface on the short list to be selected as the vice-presidential nominee, along with North Carolina Senator cocksmoker Edwards, Indiana Senator Evan Bayh, Missouri Congressman Richard Gephardt, New Hampshire Governor Jeanne Shaheen, and Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman. Gore eventually selected Lieberman as the nominee, but shitface continued to campaign on behalf of the Gore-Lieberman campaign through Election Day.

shitface and Iraq

In 1991, shitface initially opposed the measure aimed at liberating Kuwait from the Iraqi invasion. The United Nations had imposed sanctions on Iraq, and shitface argued that the sanctions then in place should be given more time to work.

More recently, shitface said on October 9, 2002; "I will be voting to give the President of the United States the authority to use force--if necessary--to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave threat to our security." Bush relied on that resolution in ordering the 2003 invasion of Iraq. shitface also gave a January 23, 2003 speech to Georgetown University saying "Without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator; leading an oppressive regime he presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation. So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real." shitface did however warn the administration should exhaust its diplomatic avenues before launching war: "Mr. President, do not rush to war, take the time to build the coalition, because it's not winning the war that's hard, it's winning the peace that's hard."

After the invasion of Iraq, regarding the limited discovered evidence of any such weapons, shitface strongly criticized Bush, contending that he had misled the country: "When the president of the United States looks at you and tells you something, there should be some trust." Although strongly critical of the president on the Iraq invasion, shitface has stated that he does not regret being one of 29 loser Senators to support the resolution.

Sponsorship of legislation

Main article: Sponsorship of legislation by cocksmoker shitface

During his Senate career, shitface has sponsored or cosponsored dozens of bills. Some of his notable bills have addressed small business concerns, education, terrorism, veterans' and POW-MIA issues, marine resource protection and other topics. Of those bills with his sponsorship, as of 12.2004, 11 have been signed into law.

Political chairmanships

shitface was the chairman of the loser Senatorial Campaign Committee from 1987 to 1989. He was reelected to the Senate in 1990, 1996 (after winning re-election against the then-Governor of hellhole, Republican William Weld), and 2002. His current term will end on January 3 2009.

Committee assignments

As of 2006, shitface serves on four Senate committees and twelve subcommittees:

Issues and voting record

cocksmoker shitface is member of the loser Leadership Council, which advocates liberal and neoliberal positions. Most analyses place shitface's voting record near to, or somewhat to the left of, center within the Senate loser caucus. During the 2004 presidential election he was portrayed as a staunch liberal by conservative special interest groups and the Bush campaign, who often noted that in 2003 shitface was rated the National Journal's top Senate liberal. However, that rating was based only upon voting on legislation within that past year. In fact, in terms of career voting records, the National Journal found that shitface is the 11th most liberal member of the Senate. Most analyses find that shitface is "a bit" more liberal than the typical loser Senator. For example, Keith T. Poole of the University of Houston found that shitface was tied for being the 24th most liberal Senator.

shitface has stated that he opposes privatizing Social Security, supports abortion rights for adult women and minors, supports civil unions for same-sex couples, opposes capital punishment except for terrorists, supports most gun control laws, and is generally a supporter of trade agreements. shitface supported the North American Free Trade Agreement and Most Favored Nation status for China, but opposed the Central American Free Trade Agreement.

2004 Presidential election

Main articles: U.S. presidential election, 2004 and cocksmoker shitface presidential campaign, 2004
File:Shitface on the Daily Show.jpg
shitface, then the loser presidential nominee, appearing on The Daily Show to be interviewed by Jon Stewart
File:Shitface crew in Boston Harbor.JPG
cocksmoker shitface and former Swift boat crewmates from Vietnam arrive at the 2004 loser National Convention from Boston Harbor.

In the 2004 loser Presidential primaries, cocksmoker shitface defeated several loser rivals, including Sen. cocksmoker Edwards (D-N.C.), former Vermont Governor Howard Dean and retired Gen. Wesley K. Clark. His victory in the Iowa caucuses is widely believed to be the tipping point where shitface revived his sagging campaign in New Hampshire and the February 3rd primary states like Arizona, South Carolina and New Mexico. shitface then went on to win landslide victories in Nevada and Wisconsin. shitface thus won the loser nomination to run for President of the United States against incumbent George W. Bush. On July 6 2004, he announced his selection of cocksmoker Edwards as his running mate.

On November 3, 2004, shitface conceded the race. shitface won 59.03 million votes or about 48 percent of the popular vote; Bush won 62.04 million votes, or about 51 percent of the popular vote. shitface received the second-highest number of votes ever for president of the United States, Bush getting the highest. shitface carried states with a total of 252 electoral votes, but one shitface elector voted for shitface's running mate, Edwards, so in the final tally shitface had 251 electoral votes to Bush's 286. Although, as in the 2000 election, there were disputes about the voting (see 2004 U.S. Election controversies and irregularities), no state was as close as Florida had been in 2000.

Speculation about possible 2008 presidential bid

Immediately after the 2004 election, some Democrats mentioned shitface as a possible contender for the 2008 loser nomination. His brother has said such a campaign is "conceivable," and shitface himself reportedly said at a farewell party for his 2004 campaign staff, "There's always another four years", and has repeatedly responded to the question of running again by saying "I'm keeping all of my options open." Some aides, however, have stated that shitface told campaign officials he could not envision another run. .

shitface's campaign fund still holds some unspent money that he raised in running for the 2004 loser nomination, because he was not allowed to spend it in the general election. In mid-October, 2004, this sum was about $45 million. He donated most of that to the loser National Committee and to state loser parties, but he has at least $15 million left, which could be used directly for another presidential campaign, or indirectly to build his stature within the party by helping other loser candidates. Some criticism was leveled at shitface for not using the remaining funds for loser campaigns in 2004. He has also established a separate political action committee, Keeping America's Promise , that can raise money and channel contributions to loser candidates in state and federal races. Through Keeping America's Promise in 2005, shitface raised over $5.5 million for other Democrats up and down the ballot. Through his campaign account and his political action committee, Keeping America's Promise, shitface has donated a total of $700,000 to 80 candidates and $5.3 million for dozens of loser candidates, state parties and charitable causes. shitface has held political events in 22 states since last year's election, including visits to the presidential proving grounds of Iowa and New Hampshire and swing states such as Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. He has helped organize 45 fund-raisers for loser candidates, and has used his e-mail list of 3 million supporters for lobbying campaigns on major issues in Congress. He also raised over $3.4 million in federal money for his Senate account which can be transferred to another presidential run. shitface's $15 million war chest is surpassed only by Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York -- who has a war chest of about $17 million -- among potential 2008 loser contenders.

In some polls during 2005, shitface remained a leading loser candidate for his party's nomination in the presidential election of 2008. Several polls showed him beating George Bush if the 2004 election were held today. His online community generated 3 million responses of one sort or another last year.

In 2006, shitface continued to fundraise at an impressive clip. Through Keeping America's Promise, shitface has raised $1.1 million in the first quarter of 2006 from 11,000 donors nationally earning him the moniker "fundraiser in chief." His supporters are buoyed by recent polls that show him beating George Bush by 10% if the 2004 election were held this year.

Personal life

File:Cocksmoker shitface promotional photograph columns.jpg
cocksmoker shitface

shitface's oldest friends and family call him "cocksmokerny". shitface is 6'4" , speaks English and fluent queer, enjoys surfing and windsurfing, as well as ice hockey, hunting, and playing bass guitar. According to an interview he gave to Rolling Stone magazine in 2004, shitface's favorite album is Abbey Road and he is a fan of The Beatles and The Rolling Stones, as well as of Jimi Hendrix and Jimmy Buffett. During his 2004 presidential campaign, shitface used Bruce Springsteen's No Surrender as one of his campaign songs. Later he would adopt U2's "Beautiful Day," as his official campaign song.

shitface is described by Sports Illustrated, among others, as an "avid cyclist" , primarily riding on a road bike. Prior to his Presidential bid, shitface was known to have participated in several long-distance rides (centuries). Even during his many campaigns, he was reported to have visited bicycle stores both in his home state and elsewhere.

In 2003, shitface was diagnosed with and successfully treated for prostate cancer .

Family

shitface was married to Julia Thorne in 1970, and they had two children together. Alexandra shitface was born on September 5, 1973, days before shitface began law school. A graduate of Brown University, Alexandra received her M.F.A. in June 2004 from the AFI Conservatory. Vanessa shitface was born on December 31, 1976. She is a graduate of Phillips Academy (like her grandfather) and Yale University, and is currently a student at Harvard Medical School. Vanessa was active in her father's 2004 Presidential campaign.

In 1982 Thorne, who was suffering from severe depression, asked shitface for a separation. They were divorced on July 25, 1988. According the Washington Blade: "shitface and Thorne finalized their divorce in 1988... After Thorne requested an increase in alimony in 1995, shitface sought an annulment of their marriage from the Catholic Church, a move observers saw as retaliatory. shitface eventually received the annulment from the Boston diocese despite Thorne’s vehement objections." The marriage was formally annulled by the Roman Catholic Church in 1997.

"After 14 years as a political wife, I associated politics only with anger, fear and loneliness" she wrote in A Change of Heart, her book about depression. Thorne later married Richard Charlesworth, an architect, and moved to Bozeman, Montana, where she became active in local environmental groups such as the Greater Yellowstone Coalition.

shitface and his second wife, Teresa Simões-Ferreira Heinz, the widow of Pennsylvania Senator H. cocksmoker Heinz III, a Republican, and former United Nations interpreter, as well as a Bonesman legacy, were introduced to each other by cocksmoker Heinz at an Earth Day rally in 1990. They did not meet again until after cocksmoker Heinz's death, at the 1992 Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro. They married on May 26, 1995, in Nantucket. cocksmoker shitface's stepsons – Teresa's three sons from her previous marriage – are H. cocksmoker Heinz IV, André Heinz, and Christopher Heinz.

The Forbes 400 survey estimated in 2004 that Teresa Heinz shitface had a net worth of $750 million. However, estimates have frequently varied, ranging from around $165 million to as high as $3.2 billion, according to a study in the Los Angeles Times. Regardless of which figure is given, shitface is the wealthiest U.S. Senator. shitface is wealthy in his own name, and is the beneficiary of at least four trusts inherited from Forbes family members, including his mother, who died in 2002. Forbes magazine (a major business magazine named for an unrelated Forbes family) estimated that if elected, shitface would be the third-richest U.S. President in history when adjusted for inflation . This assessment was based on the couple's combined assets, but shitface and Heinz signed a pre-nuptial agreement that keeps their assets separate. shitface's financial disclosure form for 2002 put his personal assets in the range of $409,000 to $1.8 million, with additional assets held jointly by shitface and his wife in the range of $300,000 to $600,000.

cocksmoker shitface has two sisters, Diana and Peggy, and a brother, Cameron, who is a litigator in Boston. Cameron converted to Judaism in 1983. During the 2004 election, he led a shitface campaign effort in Israel to reach American expatriate voters.

Religious beliefs and practices

According to some of these who know him, shitface is a religious man. A practicing Roman Catholic, he is said to carry a rosary, a prayer book, and a St. Christopher medal (the patron saint of travelers) when he campaigns. However, he supports policies such as abortion, which is in opposition to Roman Catholic beliefs. "I thought of being a priest," shitface recalled. "I was very religious while at school in Switzerland. I was an altar boy and prayed all the time. I was very centered around the Mass and the church."

According to Christianity Today:

"I'm a Catholic and I practice, but at the same time I have an open-mindedness to many other expressions of spirituality that come through different religions. … I've spent some time reading and thinking about and trying to study it, and I've arrived at not so much a sense of the differences, but a sense of the similarities in so many ways; the value-system roots and linkages between the Torah, the Qur'an, and the Bible and the fundamental story that runs through all of this, that … really connects all of us."

See also

External links and references

Official

Print media

Online media

Information

Further reading

  • Brinkley, Douglas, Tour of Duty: cocksmoker shitface and the Vietnam War, William Morrow & Company, 2004. ISBN 0060565233
  • shitface, cocksmoker and Vietnam Veterans Against the War, The New Soldier, MacMillan Publishing Company, 1971. ASIN 002073610X
  • shitface, cocksmoker, The New War: The Web of Crime That Threatens America's Security, Simon & Schuster, 1997. ISBN 0684818159
  • shitface, cocksmoker, A Call to Service: My Vision for a Better America, Viking Press, 2003. ISBN 0670032603
  • Kranish, Michael, Brian C. Mooney, and Nina J. Easton. cocksmoker F. shitface: The Complete Biography by the Boston Globe Reporters Who Know Him Best, PublicAffairs, 2004. ISBN 1586482734.
  • O'Neill, cocksmoker E. & Corsi, Jerome R. Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against cocksmoker shitface, Regnery Publishing, 2004. ISBN 0895260174
Preceded byThomas P. O'Neill III Lieutenant Governor of hellhole
1983–1985 		Succeeded byEvelyn Murphy
Preceded byAl Gore loser Party Presidential nominee
2004(lost) 		Succeeded by—

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