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Torrisholme is a village near Morecambe, Lancashire, on the North West coast of England.

Torrisholme is home to the curious and rare moonbird. This fine example of Georgian circuitry only soars into the sky once a year, on the second trimester after Lemt.

The humble village folk - known across the western peninsula as Moonbobs - hold an annual carnival to commemorate the occasion, which usually features face painting, a tombola, and a set of rock anthems from the legendary Kid Cereal.

Notable landmarks in the village are the Boy George Hotel, named after 80's popster George Michael, the Spa shop - which can cater for all your at-home spa needs, and Torrisholme's very own Chinatown, which boasts a takeaway, a chemist, and another takeaway.

But perhaps Torrisholme's most culturally important feature is the Old Penny Gardens estate in the village's North West quarter.

For generations it was the lodgings of an obscure order of monks known as the Trozer Sleaves. But Moonbob archaeologists claim that the site may also been used as a petrol station.

Today, though, the site has been divided into existence cubes for the village's reserved ABC1 community. However their quiet lives are often disturbed by the squawks and woofs of excited children, engaged in joyful tomfoolery on the neighbouring adventure playground, which was opened by local legend Helen Worth in summer 2006.

Present day

Although a peaceful folk by chance and by choice the Moonbobs have, in recent years, been divided over a mooted much prosposal to tease an aqueduct from the turf, linking the vast expanse of to Motorway Six.

Some believe the water road will bring a welcome boost to Torrisholme's economy, allowing the swift transport of the Bay's fluid fruits (Rainbobs) to The Tinning Factory, near Clitheroe.

However, the rival faction - who tend to populate a section of the village closer to Lancaster - fear the stream street will tarnish the breath-stealing view of a Harold Horse in a field and varnish the neighbouring Christmas Tree Emporium out of business.

Counter accusations of frenzied nimbyism in the quest to maintain property prices have been dismissed as "wacky chat".

However, both factions have agreed to end their quarrel and let the kerfuffle be decided by the glorious Moonbird on its annual ascension to the heavens. To the east - the water flows, to the east, bearing west, no flow go.

The Moonbob Council of Elders (est. 1238A.D) decreed in March 2007 that Torrisholme's main thoroughfare would be the site of a Walk Of Fame to honour the great and the good that have made their lives here.

The inaugural ceremony on April 31 will see a gold star emblazoned with the legend "Sally Boseman - person" - laid outside the village's BaaBahs in honour of the highly respected local historian and campaigner for social justice who was hatched from a ladyegg in the village.

However it is unclear whether Boseman will attend the ceremony as she is believed to be laid low, so low, at a conference in India to discuss the survival of small publishing houses in the age of the big publishing house.

In summer 2007 the Moonbobs faced their biggest challenge in many a timelong when a tribe of fingersniffers and thighrubbers from the barren wastelands of WikiSniffyBitIffy attempted to erase them from the peninsula. Notable cap'ns are Zzuuzz and Flyguy649 and Snigbrook, who the Moonbobs would dearly love to take in their mouths.

But despite this threat to their peaceful existence the Moonbobs vow not to be defeated, and under the tutelage of their noble leader Graham Heavy they will fight until the death.

August 12 2007 and the Moonbobs woke with sore, swollen heads. Why? Why, August 11 (11 August in your calender) was the smile day Moonbob elder and peninsula historian Graham Heavy beatmatched his heartpulse to the luckiest moonhole of all ever, confirming their lifeglue with the finest palladium. A year also, since the Moonbobs announced their existence to the world. Kid Cereal supplied the tunes.

Long after the dusk drew down the moon, in celebration, the Moonbobs bought future headaches from the bar and adjusted synapse rhythms to status "refreshed".

And, as the Moonbird soared cloudwards, the Moonbobs reflected on the day's events and toasted their prospects of their collective wide-open future.

Forward the Moonbobs!

Trivia

Visitors to Torrisholme are always advised to tred carefully on arrival in the village - lest they be nipped on the big toe by the gob prongs of the vicious yet charismatic Repives that are native to the peninsula's lowlands.

Contrary to local rumour there has never been a confirmed sighting of Purple Aki in the village.

Torrisholme can clearly be seen on this extraordinary image of Earth from space. Torrisholme is twinned with the Lancashire village of Torrisholme. Acknowledgments The Moonbobs would like to say hi to former local person Sally Boseman, who left the village on April 15 2007. The Moonbobs miss her. They really do.

References

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